On Wings of Gold
by soda-staygold16
Summary: Healing is often times a long and difficult journey. Ponyboy is struggling to deal with Johnny's death. His situation is constantly made worse and seems hopeless until he meets the one person who can save him and heal the rest of the gang.
1. Always Here

Author Note: Hey everybody. I haven't written a fic on The Outsiders in like a year. I got completely reobsessed (I think I made that word up lol) with it after the new DVD came out. Does everyone know about that? If not, I can give you the details. Let me know if you want to know about it plz! Anyhoo, back to the point here! The summary pretty much explains what this fic is all about, but FYI it takes place a few months after the book. I'm pretty sure that the book took place in the fall, so it's now winter in the story and it's winter break. I will update roughly about once a week!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

(Man, long author note. lol!)

Ponyboy's POV

I walked home in a daze. It was the last day of the semester and it was now winter break. Two-Bit and Steve were with me. We had to walk home everyday together because walking alone always leads to trouble. Once I walked all alone and got jumped and that scared me half to death. Then, I walked, at night, with just Johnny, which wasn't really safe enough either considering that changed my life forever. It would be a long time before anyone would see me walking by myself. I knew walking with me annoyed the heck out of Steve. I always annoyed him when I tagged along, but most of the time Soda invited me, so it wasn't my fault. Two-Bit didn't seem to mind though. But, then again, good ol' Two-Bit doesn't really mind about anything. Sometimes I think he doesn't have a care in the world, but he's one of those people that you just can't help but love (maybe for that reason.

So there we were walking home. For Two-Bit and Steve this was just any other day, but not to me. For some reason though, things never seemed to be normal with me. I got my essay, the one I wrote after Johnny's death, back. I made an "A" which was good I guess. It would keep things with Darry ok; everything would be just dandy with him if I made good grades. But, not with me, things just could never seem to be ok with me. An "A" was not what I wanted…..I wanted Johnny back. All I wanted was for him to be alive again. That's what I needed, that would make things better, that would make everything ok, but that was the one thing that could never happen. I started dreaming that it did, dreaming that he would come back to life, or maybe never die in the first place. Yeah, that was good, cause if he never died, then Dally would be alive to. If Johnny never died…… I broke out of my dream. I was scaring myself because I was actually starting to believe me. I had done that for a while, after he died. For a while I had convinced myself that I killed Bob and that Johnny and Dally were still alive. I had realized the truth though and that was when I wrote the essay. Now though, it seemed that I knew the truth and still… I ignored it I guess I just wasn't ready to deal with the pain. I still wasn't over my parent's death when Johnny and Dally died and I wasn't ready to handle it, so I just ignored it. I told myself to stop thinking about it so much. Johnny and Dally were dead and that was all there was to it. It really wasn't making me feel to hot, getting all worked up over this. I tried to tell myself to quite making a big deal about everything all the time and to be thankful that I still had Darry and Soda and the gang. I could have slapped myself over the head right now. I don't know why I have to make things so complicated all the time. It seemed like I did that all the time. I mean, I would just start getting upset all of a sudden for no apparent reason and then things would be a big mess.

We were home before I knew it. I was hardly paying any attention and nearly tripped over the curb by our house. Two-Bit and Steve went home and I walked in. I was supposed to do some cleaning up around the house before Darry got home, but I really didn't feel like it. I was trying to make up some excuse for not starting it, so I smoked a cigarette to pass time and then sat in the bedroom staring at my essay for a long time. I finally decided that staring at it wouldn't solve anything, so I opened up to a page and began reading…

"_I know," I said "Well," I said, thinking it over, "you ain't like any of the gang. I mean, I couldn't tell Two-bit or Steve or even Darry about the sunrise and clouds and stuff. I couldn't even remember that poem around them. I mean, they just don't dig. Just you and Sodapop. And maybe Cherry Valance."_

_Johnny shrugged. "Yeah," he said with a sigh. "I guess we're different." _

I just sat staring dumbly at the paper. I couldn't move. I couldn't really do anything except sit and stare like an idiot. I could feel a hard lump grow in my throat and just wanted to bawl. Or maybe I just wanted a cigarette, man, I really wanted a cigarette.

I understood now. Now, after all this time, I knew why I needed Johnny. I knew it all along, but now I understood it. He was the one who understood me and now I just needed someone to talk to, but how could I talk to Johnny? How could I talk to him when he was gone? How could I talk to him about him? How could I tell him how much I was hurting because he was gone? I knew I needed to calm myself down, but it was hard because I just felt so…alone. No one understood me. Johnny was gone. I couldn't talk to Cherry. I'm not an idiot and I know that I'll ruin her reputation. Then I thought, Soda, thank God I still had Soda. Soda was the one person who knew I wasn't over Johnny's death. I hid it from Darry, I had to. I mean, we were getting along and everything and even though he tried hard to understand, he just didn't dig. Two-Bit and Steve were the same way, but unlike Darry, they didn't even really try to understand. But then again, maybe I never gave them the chance. I don't know, but it doesn't matter, all that matters is that Soda is the only one I can talk to and I just wished he would hurry up and get home because I really needed someone right now. Just then, I heard the door slam and Soda yelled for the mail. Then I heard his shoes drop to the floor and he went into the kitchen for a glass of chocolate milk.

"Pony," he yelled cheerfully, "where are ya? Man, last time I checked I had I had a little brother around here somewhere!" I wanted to yell that I was in here, but I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would start bawling like a baby. I finally managed to yell that I was in the bedroom, but my voice was raspy and it cut off when the lump in my throat got to hard and dry to speak. I heard Soda's feet pounding on the floor and he ran in half falling and sliding on the floor with his stocking feet.

"Hey Pony, you ok, you sounded upset." He kneeled down on his knees to face me, since I was sting on the chair. He looked at me and I knew I was bawling, and I was so happy that it was Soda and I didn't have to hide my emotions. "Pony, what is it?"

"I don't know….I just…I feel really confused and I can't seem to get a handle on things ya know?" I said weakly, between sobs. My voice was shaking and I struggled to keep the tears in. He nodded sympathetically. "I really miss Johnny and I can't wrap my head around everything." Saying this out loud made it sound just plain dumb and I sort of felt embarrassed that I was upset all of a sudden about this. "I guess I'm just a wussy."

"No Pony," Soda said soothingly, "come on, you ain't a wussy." He pulled my head toward him and I buried my face in his shoulder. "Pony I don't want you thinkin' bad stuff about yourself, got it? You just miss your best friend and there's nothin' wrong with that."

"Don't tell Darry, ok?"

"Ok, I won't and don't worry, things will get better ok."

"I hope so, it's just I need someone...I'm so glad your hear right now Soda, cause I just can't deal with all this…" My voice broke and I began sobbing uncontrollably.

"It's ok, Pony, I'm here…I'm here." I slid off the chair and fell into his lap. He rocked me gently. "I'm here Pony, it's ok, easy baby easy, it's ok, you'll be ok, I'm here…."

"Soda," I mumbled shakily, "Promise you'll _always_ be here."

"Pony, you know I can't promise that..." He stopped himself when he saw my face. He paused and looked at me reluctantly. Not wanting to upset me more, he smiled softly. "Pony…you know I'm always here for you."

"Promise," I said forcefully, "Promise you'll always be here."

"I promise."

After that I stopped bawling uncontrollably and continued to cry softly in Soda's lap as he rocked me.

Hope everyone liked it. This is the first time I don't have a story completely planned out, so I'm a little nervous. There might be medical related stuff later, which I usually just make up, so I don't have to research stuff! (Big grin, WINK, WINK) (- :

Btw, I'm reading through this and man, I start a lot of sentences with "but", sorry about that, my grammar sucks, but I guess Ponyboy doesn't really talk correctly, so oh well! Also, my quotations look weird, like they go the same way; I don't know what's wrong, sorry!


	2. Tears of Remembrance

Author Note: Hey everyone, here's chapter two. Ok, this chapter is kind of well random. I don't know. I don't really like it much. I mean, I do, but like I said it's Random, but I've already started on chapter three and the beginning won't make since without this chapter, so I decided to leave it.

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always!

Ponyboy's POV

I continued in mental break down mode for nearly half an hour. Soda didn't say anything. He never told me that I needed to move on like Darry would have and never told me that he was to busy to be with me. The only time he uttered a sound was when he whispered words of comfort. I finally calmed down enough to stop crying. I looked up and realized that he was crying too. I was surprised at first. I didn't even know that he was. They were silent tears. He wasn't making any noise, but tears were steaming down his face slowly.

"Soda…what is it, what's wrong."

"I don't know…I guess since I'm the bawl baby in the family, I didn't think it was fair for you to cry more than me!" I made an unsuccessful attempt to cock an eyebrow the way Two-Bit does.

"Come on Soda, really, what's wrong?"

"I just, I hate it when you're so upset you know…it makes me feel bad and, oh I don't know, all this talk of Johnny is kind of making me start to miss Sandy. Does that even make sense?"

"Yeah…of course it does. Soda…I'm sorry. I didn't even think about that. I didn't mean to make you upset."

"Shoot, it ain't your fault, "he said flashing me a huge grin, "We are a bunch of bawl babies though, ain't we Pony?" He gave me a light punch in the ribs.

"I have to agree with you there!" I couldn't help but smile now, Soda can make anyone smile, even when they feel as lousy as I did. I was wondering how he could smile since he obviously felt pretty bad himself. I was feeling better though. I mean, things would be ok. I had Soda. I would always have Soda, so there was no reason to get all worked up. Things would get better with time. It wasn't like things could get worse again.

I really need to stop assuming that because they always do.

We finished all the cleaning up before Darry got home which was good. I really didn't want to get him on my case. Things with Darry were complicated. We were real good about not arguing there for a while, after Soda ran away and all. But, it's like trying to quite a bad habit. You do real good for a while and then slowly you pick it back up again. It seemed like lately, we were starting to argue more and more. We did try not to pull Soda into it though.

Soda was in the kitchen trying to make pink toast when Darry came home. I was standing over the toaster admiring Soda's work. Boy could he come up with some strange things to eat, but at least there was never a dull moment. Darry came in the kitchen. He looked different to me…almost as if he had aged since I had seen him earlier this morning. Darry always looked unhappy. I had always thought that he had grown old before his time, but tonight, he looked even older.

"Hey," I said, "How was work?"

"Fine," Darry said. Soda came over and gave him a playful punch on the shoulder and then went back to making his toast. It was getting pretty late and we ate almost as soon as Darry got home. We had my favorite: chicken and mashed potatoes, and of course Soda's pink toast. Soda was rambling on and on about stuff that happened at work that day. Man, I was glad. It was good that he wasn't upset about Sandy anymore. I remember last time he was upset about her he didn't eat much and was quiet, but now he was in his can't shut him up or fill him up mood. Darry was quiet though. He just stared at his plate and fiddled with his fork. I was trying to listen to Soda's story, but I kept zoning out. My mid was going crazy, wondering what was up with Darry. Soda finally noticed and asked if he was ok, but he just shrugged. Darry had pulled a muscle at work, so Soda and I offered to do the dishes and let him rest.

"Hey Soda," I said as I began scrubbing a plate, "Does Darry seem, ya know, upset about something?"

"Yeah, I noticed that. I'm kinda worried, but I don't want to keep asking him and bug him ya know?"

"Yeah," I said with a sigh, "I know, but…I just want to make sure he's ok." We decided to go talk to him after we were done with the dishes. He was lying down in his room resting. Soda came in and flopped down on the bed beside him. I followed and sat on the edge. There sort of an awkward silence and then Darry sat up and Soda did the same. Darry faced us.

"I have something to give you guys," he said slowly, "I was at work and then Sherrill, you know, mom's best friend stopped by…She said that she had something that mom had told her to hold onto and give to us if something ever happened to her. Said she would have given it to us sooner, but mom wanted to make sure we got it and told her to give it to us personally. I guess this was the first time she could come to town or something. Anyway, here it is." I looked at Darry. I was in shock. My parent's death hadn't really been brought up much, at least not with Darry. Not since we were in the hospital and I realized his silent fear. It was then that I really felt bad for him. I realized that he lost his best friend too, Dad. They had been extremely close and it was when Dad was around that Darry was happiest. He rummaged through his pocket and pulled out a picture. It was one that we took on a trip to the country. I was seven at the time, Soda was nine, and Darry was thirteen. The whole family was there and it was the time of day when the sun is setting. I remembered that moment, the moment so long ago. It was one of the most beautiful moments I have ever had and I longed for it to be happening right now. I looked at Darry and Soda and I knew they were feeling the same way. Soda began crying and I wished more than anything that he wouldn't. Soda never deserved to cry, never. And Darry too, he never deserved to have to lose the person he looked up to. He never deserved to lose dad. So I wondered why it happened. I scooted close to Soda and wrapped my arms around him. Darry looked at us sympathetically. I think I was starting to cry too.

"Guys," Darry said softly, "there's a note on the back, he handed it to me and Soda and I read it.

_My dear children, _

_I asked Sherrill to give this to you. There are things that I want to make sure you know in case something is to ever happen to me and your father. First, know that we love you more than life. You are our greatest joy and the most important part of our lives. The only thing your father and I regret is not being able to give you more. We know that we are not the wealthiest family. We hope that you will still take your life and make it what you want it to be. We wish the best for you for always. We love you so very much. _

_Love always, _

_Your mother. _

My heart began to pound. I had the same feeling, the exact same feeling as I had earlier that day. I started to get all mixed up again. I remembered my mother. She was beautiful. She was strong willed like Darry, she was beautiful and golden like Soda, and she made the world beautiful.. I remembered my father. He too was wonderful. He was laughing and smiling just like Soda, but he was physically strong like Darry. I felt awful. I knew that my mother probably did understand the problems that go along with having less money and being a greaser. Now… now that she was gone I knew she would understand and I wished more than anything that I could talk to her. But, like Johnny, it was too late.

My arm had stayed around Soda the whole time we were reading. I could feel him tremble with sobs and I tightened my grip around him. Darry was just sitting there, staring… staring with a helpless, pleading look, the same one he had at the funeral and the same one he had at the hospital. I knew I was bawling but not like Soda. Darry came over to Soda and pulled him close to him.

"It's ok Pepsi-Cola, come on little buddy, don't be so upset," he said softly. He used Dad's nickname for Soda, and I knew that Darry wished he could do something. Darry did care about us and he couldn't stand it when Soda got upset. I wondered how Darry could be so brave. He was hurting as much as us, maybe more. Darry knew that the chance in life that mom was talking about couldn't been given to him now and he regretted it. He was dealing with more than me and Soda. Still, he didn't bawl and still he managed to be there for us and I knew that Darry was strong, just like mom said. My mother was a wise person.I started to bawl pretty bad and when Darry and Soda heard me, Soda held out his arm and pulled me toward him. Darry got me up on his lap and I buried my face in his shoulder. I realized that I wasn't hiding my emotions from Darry. That he was holding me the same way Soda had earlier. I guess with my parents, Darry could understand. This was the one time I didn't feel stupid crying in front of him. The one time he could comfort me about something and the one time we understood how the other felt. I was thankful for my brothers. I mean, I missed my parents and I missed Johnny and Dally. But, at least I had Darry and Soda.

The three of us just sat together for a while. My mother's note was beautiful and so was the picture. It was a memory and I was glad she gave it to us. I hadn't heard that she loved me since before she died. I mean, my parents had told me that every day when they were alive. I missed that, but now I had a letter that I could read any time. I just had to get over the pain of reading it for the first time though. Luckily, I had my brothers to get through that pain with.


	3. One Little Prayer

Author Note:  In the last chapter I forgot to say to lady rose 05 that I did get the DVD

And I love it. I love all the extra scenes. The Soda stuff is so sweet and then the scene when Ponyboy and Johnny hug and all. That was one of my favorite part in the book and I was so happy when it was in the DVD. The music is kind of annoying though, it takes away from the movie. The original score was way better. Anyway, also thanx to oOoRikkuforEveroOo for reviewing. Hope everyone likes this chapter.

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always!

Ponyboy's POV

I must have fallen asleep in Darry's room because I woke up lying in his bed with Soda's arm across me. I didn't see Darry though. I laid in bed for a while staring at the ceiling. There was a noise in the kitchen and I figured Darry was already awake. He always got up early. Today was Saturday and his only day off, but still he got up. He thought that you should only sleep for as long as you needed to and shouldn't waste time sleeping if you didn't need it. But, I wasn't Darry and I laid there for a while just staring and thinking about yesterday. It had a fantasy like feel. It almost seemed like a dream. I finally decided to get up. I wiggled out from under Soda's arm. He made a soft noise and moved slightly. I was afraid he was going to wake up, but he didn't. I went into the kitchen.

"Hey," I said to Darry, who was standing over the stove scrambling some eggs. He turned around when he saw me. "We didn't take up to much room last night did we? I guess me and Soda just fell asleep in there."

"That's ok. You went t sleep pretty fast, you seemed exhausted and I didn't want to wake you up. Is Soda still asleep?"

"Yep."

"That's good. He was pretty upset last night. I was afraid he wouldn't get any sleep."

"Well, you know Soda. Reality hits him hard when it does." I felt bad. I couldn't believe I just fell asleep with my brother so upset.

Of course, Soda didn't stay asleep for long. He came galloping through the door. If Darry hadn't told me he hadn't had much sleep I wouldn't have known.

"Hey guys, what's up? Everyone ok now?"

"If you are," I told him.

"Yeah, I'm ok."

"That's good, Little Buddy," Darry said.

"I'm goin' to work today," Soda informed, "but when I get home how's about we all go see one of those movies Pony likes so much huh?" We all agreed and decided to meet at the Nightly double around eight when Soda would be off work. Neither of my brothers really liked movies. Soda thought they were boring and usually could never sit still and Darry didn't seem to find interest in inspecting other people's lives. I guess they just did dig what I liked about movies, but they knew that since Johnny died no one really wanted to see movies with me anymore, so they always offered to go. I couldn't tell them that I actually preferred watching movies alone because I really did appreciate all the effort they put in and everything.

Soda scrambled to get dressed while eating chocolate cake and eggs, but finally managed to be ready by the time Steve got there. They left and it was just me and Darry. Two-Bit was hanging out with his new girlfriend, a blonde, of course, Kate, I think.

Darry didn't want to waste his day off doing nothing. I noticed that about him. He was always working, even on his day off. He basically thought that if he was enjoying himself he wasn't being productive and that bothered him. So, he worked on taxes, paid bills, and stuff like that. I was glad I wasn't the oldest. I hated messing with that kind of stuff. I never really put a lot of thought into how much Darry had to worry about. I started thinking about it though. I mean, he had to take care of house payments, car payments, insurance and all that stuff. He also mostly took care of buying the groceries and doing the laundry and other stuff like that. Soda was too lazy and carefree to worry about that stuff and I never used my head enough to think about it. Of course, there was also Darry's job. Man, he sure did have a lot of worries. I decided not to think about this anymore. I was starting to feel kinda bad for Darry. I mean, sometimes I feel like it's my fault he has to do all this. I mean he does it for me. Well, and Soda of course, for Soda and me. I decided that I would see if he needed any help.

"Hey Darry," I said as I walked from the living room toward the kitchen table, where he was sitting. He looked up.

"Yeah?"

"You need any help with anything?" He looked shocked; I guess I don't offer my help much, at least not with this stuff. He was paying some bill or something.

"Pony," he said with a goofy smile, "do you even know what I'm doing?"

"Hey," I said giving him a friendly punch, "I was just tryin' to be helpful, so don't get all high and mighty, just cause some of us don't know the first thing about payin' bills." He laughed and it was good to hear him laugh, even if he was kinda laughing at my lack of common sense.

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I can manage and hey at least you knew I was paying a bill."

"Oh ha, ha," I said sarcastically.

It was finally time to meet Soda at the Nightly Double. Darry and I decided just to walk. Darry thought that walking would be good exercise and I like to walk because for some reason I could think about things when I walked. The only problem was that it was freezing. I actually didn't forget my jacket, like I usually do. I don't think anyone could forget a jacket when it's winter in Tulsa. It can get pretty cold and I thought maybe it was stupid to even walk, but I didn't mind much and it wasn't as bad as it usually is.

We left the house. I had a strange feeling when we were walking. It was the same feeling I had after Two-Bit and I had visited Johnny in the hospital. It was really starting to bug me. I guess I don't hide my emotions well, cause Darry noticed.

"Something wrong, Pony?"

"I have a bad feeling."

"Was it something you ate?"

"No, not like that." Sometimes Darry just didn't get it. I mean. He cared and everything, but he looked at things so…..so logically.

"Oh, like one of those feelings you get when you think something bad's going to happen?" I nodded, "Pony, I think it's all in your head."

"Yeah, I guess," I said with a sigh. I didn't really think it was but I didn't feel like talking about it anymore. Besides, I knew Darry wouldn't understand what I meant. We just kept walking, mostly in silence. The feeling seemed to be getting worse. We passed the DX where Soda worked and we figure that he had already left. We'd either see him at The Nightly Double or maybe catch up with him on the way.

We were getting close to The Nightly Double when I saw about six guys quickly get into a mustang and drive off. They must be socs. No greaser could afford wheels like that. I knew that socs being around could only mean one thing, trouble. I shivered. I watched the car drive off, and then began walking again, but not for long. I froze suddenly. I saw that where the socs had been, there was a dark motionless hump on the sidewalk. My heart fell into my stomach and my inside went numb. I nearly fell over. I was freezing and still sweating. I remembered the night Johnny got beat up by Bob and Randy, the night he got his scar. I saw the same hump in the sidewalk and I nearly threw up. Darry noticed I had stopped.

"Hey Pony, what's up?" I couldn't talk. At that point I wasn't sure if I could even breathe. I just pointed. Darry looked ahead squinting and saw what I was talking about. We paused……………….. We must have both realized at the same time because we took off in a dead run. Soda was walking this direction. Soda was walking this direction all alone. Soda was walking this direction, all alone, and without a blade. Oh God I thought, please don't let it be Soda. Please let it be anyone, but Soda, Please. I approached the body and it _was Soda_. I felt my heart pound. My whole body was shaking, but I seemed detached from it. I felt like I wasn't even there, but just watching this, like a dream, or more of a nightmare. Darry came up behind me. He knelt down beside Soda. I could feel myself shivering uncontrollably, and not from the cold either.

"Little Buddy?" No answer. Soda didn't even move. His eyes were shut tight. I could hardly stand to look at him. I had never seen him beat up like this before, never. His head was swelled up to a size I didn't even think possible. They must have pushed him on the ground and his head must have taken a bad hit. On his face there were cuts and bruises all over. There was a gash across his forehead and there was dark, red blood running down the side of his cheek. You could hardly even recognize him. On his other cheek there was a bruise that covered half of his face. They had pulled a knife on him. There was a wide and pretty deep gash in his side. I wondered what they could have been thinking. I wondered what those stupid, idiots could have been thinking. How could they beat up somebody this bad? I mean I had seen a lot of fights and no one was ever this bad off. He was worse than Johnny had been.

"I'm going to go call an ambulance," Darry said in a shaking voice. I could tell he was fighting back tears. I didn't bother trying. I was bawling about as hard as a person can bawl.

"But Darry, it's not that serious, is it?" I asked between sobs, trying unsuccessfully to keep them under control.

"Pony, I don't know," He said forcefully, his voice was rising and I started shivering real bad, "I need you to stay with him Pony, ok, I'll go across the street to the pay phone and call an ambulance. You need to stay here, ok?"

"Darry, I'm scared……..he won't," I was sobbing too hard to get the word out, but I think Darry knew what I wanted to say. He didn't answer. He just told me to stay there and then ran across the street to call an ambulance. I finally got the courage to fully look at Soda. I knelt down beside him. He didn't move a muscle. Was he unconscious? I wasn't sure, but then an awful thought dawned on me. Oh God, he couldn't already be dead. I saw his eyes open a little and I felt relief. He was alive.

"Soda?"

"Pony……" he groaned and then he passed out. My heart broke at that moment. When he groaned I could tell he as in a lot of pain. I couldn't stand that he was in pain and I wished it was me. I just didn't ever want to see him like that. I didn't ever want him to feel pain.

"Soda," I whispered quietly through tears. He didn't answer. He was unconscious. But still, I talked to him. "Soda," I said loudly, my voice was rising and I was trying to stay calm, "Soda, please, please don't die." I took his unconscious body and lifted him in my lap. I held him against me and rocked him gently. "Oh God, Please don't die Soda. Come on Soda, please don't die. Just hang on a little longer. Please, just a little longer." Darry came back. And found me sobbing like a baby, holding Soda in my arms. He knelt down beside me.

"An ambulance is on the way." He sounded s calm and I wanted to smack him. How could he sound so calm? I mean, I was shivering and crying. But, not Darry he was cool and calm as always.

The ambulance got there pretty fast. I held Soda the whole time we were waiting. I didn't want to let go of him and it took a while to get him into the ambulance.

"Pony, let go of him."

"Shut up," I shouted at Darry.

"Ponyboy, if you never let him get in the ambulance, than he's never going to get better." I finally let the doctors take him. They carried him on a stretcher into the ambulance and Darry and I were told to follow in our car.

The whole way there I sobbed uncontrollably. Darry and I never said a word. There was nothing we could say. Nothing we could say or do. I didn't think I was ever going to stop crying. I kept thinking of first seeing Soda lying there and then of seeing his face and then, that brief instant he woke up. He had said my name and I wondered if I would never hear it from him again. That was not a good thought to think. I mean, I was already crying, but that made me bawl even harder.

Soda was taken to the emergency room and Darry and I were left to sit and wait. I started praying. I did that sometimes. I hadn't been to church since once when Johnny and I took Two-Bit, Steve, and Soda. Well, they caused quite a racket and I never went back again, but I still prayed. I prayed that Soda wouldn't die. That he wouldn't feel any pain and that he would never suffer, ever. But I wondered if one little prayer did any good.


	4. Too Late

Author Note: Ok so I decided to do a story spoiler. I know a lot of people (especially at the end of this chapter) will want to know what's going to happen to Soda. So, I decided to tell everyone right now if he dies or not. The story spoiler is at the bottom. You don't have to read it and actually if I were you I wouldn't, because that would spoil the story (hence the name story spoiler), but if you want to know then you can. BTW thanx to the reviewers. Also, I actually sort of researched this medical stuff, so I have to brag a little, cuz I think it's the first time ever, lol!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always!

Ponyboy's POV

I always hated waiting. It's not that I'm real impatient or anything, but all of this just waiting was making it worse. I had to much time to think about it and my mind was everywhere. Part of me wanted the doctor to hurry up and tell us how he was doing, but part of me was too scared of the truth.

I had finally quit bawling. Darry never said a word. Not one, single word. He put his arm on my shoulder once, but even then he said nothing. I thought that this silence was going to drive me insane.

I realized that I was pretty worn out. Bawling for that long can really take a lot out of you. I laid my head on Darry's shoulder and he put his arm around me.

"He's gonna be ok Pony. He'll live for you, if nothing else." That was the first time he had talked to me since he had told me that I needed to let the doctors put Soda in the ambulance.

"He'll live for you too, ya know," I told him, sleepily.

"Pony, I have to tell you the truth." I sat up and looked at him straight in the eye. "I'm scared." I didn't know what to say. Darry was scared and he was admitting it to me?

"It'll be ok. I'm here for you," I told him and I meant it.

"You should try to sleep. You look tired."

"Yeah, ok." I rested my head in his lap and he stroked my hair until I fell asleep.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw a doctor coming toward us. It was the same doctor that took care of me after I passed out, Doctor Hashings. I closed my eyes quickly once I saw him coming and pretended to be asleep. I don't know why, but it seemed like it would be awkward to hear how Soda was doing. I didn't know how to react or how to act when he was talking about it, so I just pretended to be asleep. The doctor came to us and turned to Darry. He was cheerful and easygoing. He seemed to really care about his patients and he was extremely tall, with brown, short hair and greenish brown eyes.

"Well, it seems another one of your brothers isn't doing so well." I knew he was probably really thinking that our family sure did have some rotten luck.

"Yeah," Darry answered.

"Is Ponyboy asleep?"

"Yeah."

"That's good, because I have a feeling he won't be getting much. At least, not if this is like last time you were here. You and Soda didn't sleep a minuet when Pony was ill." My head was still resting on Darry's lap and I felt him stroke my hair softly. I remembered a time when I thought that Darry could never be this gentle. But there was a warm sense of comfort now, even considering the circumstances. I never realized what it must have done to Darry and Soda when I was in the hospital, but I know now. I sure do know how that feels now.

"No, not a second," Darry corrected. The doctor sighed heavily.

"Look," the doctor said plainly, "ya'll are a great family and I know how much you care about each other, but I can't just keep making small talk and avoiding this. I have to give it to you strait. Soda isn't doing so well."

"What's wrong with him? What can we do?" I wanted to bawl. I had to focus really hard to make it seem like I was asleep. Even if the doctor didn't want to avoid this, I did. I began breathing lightly like Soda says I do in my sleep. Soda….

"He's suffering a concussion, broken leg, broken collar bone, and a minor infection in his side."

"But, Pony had a concussion and he was ok, Broken bones will heal and what an infection?"

"Yeah, it seems he had quite a cut in his left side. We assumed that he was cut by the people who jumped him. It wasn't treated quickly enough and it infected."

"Will it heal?"

"Yeah, it will heal. He'll be sore for a while, but we can treat it. His broken bones, they'll heal as well. It's the concussion that's giving us the most concern at this point."

"But Ponyboy suffered a concussion and he's fine now?"

"Yes, but his case was quite different. You see a concussion occurs when the fluid that surrounds the brain is unable to protect it from a sudden blow. This can damage the part of the brain that is not protected at that time. The part of the brain that was damaged in Pony's case is different from the part that was damaged in Soda's. Until tests are run we can not be sure exactly which parts were affected. However, based on where the swelling is the largest we have a prediction as to some of the sections of the brain that are suffering as a result. You know that the brain sends signals to certain parts of the body to control certain actions. We predict that the frontal lobe was damaged. It controls movement. If he can not recover, then he may become paralyzed. Another concern that we have is that he may never wake up and fall into a coma. I'm sorry, truly, but there is very little that can be done at this point." I felt tears fall uncontrollably from my eyes. I was thankful that I was facing away from Darry and could fake sleep still. I heard Darry talking to me even though as far as he knew I was sleeping.

"Oh Pony," he whispered in a shaking voice, "how am I going to tell you that he may never wake up. How on earth am I going to tell you that?" I knew that this was hard for Darry and I felt bead about letting him hear about Soda alone.

"You don't have to," I said softly, sitting up, "I was awake…Darry would if he really doesn't wake up? I never even got to tell him….." I couldn't finish I started bawling pretty bad. At that moment all I wanted to do was talk to Soda. But like, Johnny, like Dally and like my mother, it was too late.

**STORY SPOILER**: (DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SPOIL THE STORY) I will never kill anyone who was in the book! (So I think you can figure it out if Soda will die!)


	5. Kally

Author Note: Hey everyone, thanx to the reviewers! I kept forgetting to say that my best friend is helping me with this story. She reviews under the name johnnycake staygold, so just so everyone knows!

Ponyboy's POV

The doctor came back a little while latter and told us that we could go in Soda's room. He was still unconscious, but could wake up at any time. Only Darry and I were allowed to go though, since it was family only. I was almost nervous about going to see him. I think it's harder to see someone in the hospital than to be in there yourself. I followed Darry inside. He pulled two chairs from the little table in the corner and set them beside the bed. I sat down and looked at Soda. I knew the way he looked when he was asleep: happy and peaceful. Now, he just looked lifeless. The same way Johnny looked after he died_, like a candle with the flame gone out,_ and that scared me. He still looked beat up too. There was a cover for protection across his collar bone and a cast on his leg. I don't know why, but I didn't bawl. Maybe I was all cried out or maybe I just didn't think it would do any good. I started to feel guilty about it. I mean, it seemed like I didn't even care, but I did. Of course I did, but I wasn't even grasping it. It seemed to happen so fast that I didn't even realize that he was really that bad off. I don't know. At that point I thought that I really didn't know anything.

"I should call Two-Bit and Steve," Darry said. I really didn't want them here. I know that Steve and Soda are best buddies and Two-Bit is part of the gang, but I didn't feel like being around them.

"Ok, but the doctor said family only, remember?"

"Yeah, but I'll let them know. They should know." I nodded and Darry left to use the phone at the front desk. It was strange, but I was glad he was gone. I just didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to worry about seeming like I didn't care or that I was getting too upset about it either. Besides, I only wanted to talk to Soda now.

"Soda," I whispered, "please wake up," I felt stupid talking to him when he was unconscious, but I thought he could hear me. That sounds crazy, but it must have worked because his eyes opened.

"Pony?" he said questioningly. I was so happy to hear him say my name. I remembered when I thought I would never hear it again. But, I did and I could have bawled. I wanted to squeeze the daylights outta him, but I knew he was probably soar and I didn't want to hurt him. He looked around realizing he was in the hospital. "Well obviously something's been goin' on. So are you gonna give me a hug, or just look at me all day long." I leaped up from my chair and wrapped my arms around him. I was amazed. He was just like his old self. I remember after Johnny got beat up, he never really recovered. If it was anyone else, they wouldn't have either, but Soda was one of a kind, the kind of person that this world just couldn't get down.

"So what's going on?" He asked.

"You don't remember?"

"Nah man, I'm confused, not that that's too unusual or nothn'." I told him what happened. I just finished when Darry walked in. Soda started to sit up when he saw him, but he winced in pain and laid back down. I was in a sudden panic as a flash of memory came over me. I remember the look Johnny had on his face when he passed out and it was the exact same look.

_He was struggling to sit up, but suddenly gasped, went whiter than a pillow case, and passed out cold._

"Soda, are you ok?" I nearly screamed.

"Yeah, it's just my side. Man, it hurts." Darry came over.

"Yeah, it's infected. Don't sit up. Just relax. We'll get you anything you need."

"Darry, unless I'm like dead, I think it's going to be pretty impossible for me to stay still that long." He started to flash a crazy grin, but stopped when he saw my face, I guess when he said he'd have to be _dead _to stay still, and it sort of scared me. Soda knew that it did.

"Oh Pony, don't look at me that way. I'm ok. I mean, except for a soar side I'm just…" He stopped and stared strait forward, with a panicked expression.

"Soda?" I said questioningly. He began gasping for air. "Soda!" Darry ran quickly out of the room and began yelling for help. I started bawling. My head was spinning and I didn't know what was happening. Soda's face was turning blue and he kept trying to breathe, but couldn't. I just watched him, bawling. My heart was pounding in my ears. I can't describe what it feels like to watch someone you love not be able to breathe. All you want to do is somehow give them air, but you can't. When there's nothing you can do, but watch miserably. I could see terror in his eyes and all I wanted to do was make it go away. I knew what it felt like to not have air from nearly being drowned. It was the scariest thing in the world. Feeling like it should be so simple just to breathe, but not being able to. Struggling and thinking that every time you gasped your lungs would fill, but they never did. It was killing me to know that he was that scared it was killing me to watch him. "Soda, please, just breathe. Come on man, come on," I said, sobbing. Darry must have found help because a doctor came in quickly. Darry and I were told to leave as he began treating Soda.

"No," I shouted, "I can't leave him like this."

"Come on Ponyboy," Darry said impatiently.

"No, no," I was sobbing now. Darry half dragged me out. He hustled me roughly to the waiting room. There was no one there, so I guess he figured it would be just fine to yell his face off at me.

"Pony, my God," he shouted, "when the doctor tells you to leave, just leave. It's bad enough watching my brother suffocate without having to drag my other brother outta there like a little kid." I tried to stop bawling, so that I wouldn't look like a little kid, but Darry was just making it worse, much worse. Suffocating? Soda was suffocating?

"Well, sorry if I embarrassed you," I sarcastically, "maybe next time I think my brother is DYING, I'll try not to show any emotion at all. Is that good enough for you?"

"Don't get smart with me Pony. He's my brother too damn it and you need to learn to watch that mouth of yours."

"MY MOUTH? Soda is lying in a hospital and you're concerned about my mouth?"

"You think I don't know where Soda is? You think I don't know that Ponyboy? I knew you never used your head, but I guess I never knew you were stupid." Boy was I mad now. I could have killed him. I mean it. I wanted to go over there and punch him and hit him as hard as I possibly could, but I remembered what happened when he hit me, so instead I just walked right outta there.

I stumbled miserably through the hallway. I stopped at the door of Soda's room, but I couldn't hear anything. I continued, dragging myself down the hallway. I finally just gave up and sank to the floor. I didn't think I could take much more of this. I was fed up with losing people I cared about, fed up with hospitals, fed up with Darry, fed up with everything. I buried my head in my hands, which were resting on my bent knees. I cried softly for a few minuets.

I nearly jumped when I felt a soft tap on my shoulder. "Excuse me mister. Are you ok?" a little voice asked. I looked up and saw a little girl standing in front of me. I stopped crying suddenly. I was a little taken off guard. She looked really familiar, but I couldn't remember who she looked like.

"Yeah I'm ok," I lied. I suddenly realized who she looked like, Johnny. She had dark hair and skin. Her eyes were the same dark brown, almost black color. But, there was something different about her. Her eyes weren't scared and lonely. They were laughing and dancing and reckless, more like Soda almost. But still, something about her reminded me of Johnny, I just wasn't sure what. She was young, about seven or eight maybe.

I saw that Dr. Hashings was walking toward us. He kneeled down in front of me.

"Ponyboy, how's Soda? I heard that he was in need of attention from a pulmenologist?"

"Yeah, he wasn't breathing right, but uh, I don't know how he is. The doctor made us leave." I left out the part about me not leaving so easily.

"I'm sorry to hear it." He turned to the little girl, who was now kneeling down beside me as well.

"Kally, are you supposed to be walking around right now?"

"Nurse Karen said I could for a little while."

"Well, you need to rest; maybe you should go back to your room huh?"

"Ok," she agreed, "bye." She walked to a room across the hall.

"You know Kally?" the doctor asked me.

"No, she just came up to me, asked if I was ok. Her name's Kally?" He nodded.

"Are you ok?" he asked. I shrugged.

"He loves you a lot," he told me.

"Who?"

"Well, Darry and Soda both actually. When you were here, they never left your side. If one of them left to get something, then they made sure that they other stayed. You were never alone, not once that I knew of at least. Love like that, it can heal. I'm telling you the truth. Now, I'm a doctor and I base things on facts, but I've seen miracles as well, and your family, if any, can make miracles happen…well, I better get going. I'll be by Soda's room later to check on him." He walked off and I was left alone. I didn't believe him. I mean, I love Johnny like a brother. He was my best friend and he even had the whole gang, so why did he die then. Dally, well I guess he died for love. But, my parents, I loved them, they died. Why should this be any different?

I kept thinking of the little girl, Kally. I waned to talk to her. I felt like I needed to. Almost as if I needed to tell her something or she needed to tell me something. I saw a nurse come out of the room Kally went in. I stood up.

"Excuse me," she looked at me and smiled.

"Yes?"

"Is there anyway I can talk to the little girl in that room, Kally. Is she in a family only condition?"

"No, Kally loves visitors. It's fine, go on ahead."

"Thanks." I walked to the room and knocked on the door.

"Come in," she called. I opened the door awkwardly. I felt strange going into someone's room who I didn't know.

"Hey," she said cheerfully. She was lying on the bed reading a book. I realized suddenly that she must be sick. I mean, she was in a hospital bed.

"Hi," I said back, "I just wanted to say thanks for asking me if I was ok. It meant a lot to have someone take the time to make sure and everything."

"No problem," I smiled and turned to walk out, "Hey wait," she called, "what's your name?"

"Ponyboy."

"Wow, awesome name. I don't think I ever met a Ponyboy before!"

"Probably not," I said grinning. I was getting a kick out of her reaction. It felt like I hadn't been this happy in forever. I couldn't believe that just by telling her my name, she could make me smile this much, but then again kids do have that ability. Soda could always make me grin and he was just a kid at heart.

"You're Kally right?"

"Yep, that would be me…I'm glad to know everything with you is ok." I looked at her and it was as if her eyes made me tell the truth.

"Well, actually things aren't so great. My brother, he's uh…..he's real hurt," my voice was trembling, "and uh, he's not doing so well. He stopped breathing and when the doctor came he made me and my other brother, Darry leave. Only, I didn't want to leave my brother. I mean, he's my brother, Soda, his name's Soda."

"I wish my sister cared about me that much."

"You have a sister?"

"Yeah, she probably doesn't even care I'm here. Maybe it's because she's older than me though. She's fourteen.

"How old are you?"

"Seven, but I'll be eight soon. My birthday's on Christmas."

"Well, that's a big age difference. Maybe it's hard for you to relate to each other. Soda is only two years older than me, but Darry's six and it's much easier to talk to soda. I'm fourteen by the way, like your sister."

"So that would make Soda sixteen and Darry twenty," she said that so quickly, I was surprised.

"Your good at math aren't you?"

"Yeah, I actually like school. Most kids complain about it, but I miss it. I guess it's cause I'm here so much."

"Ummmm" I swallowed, "why are you here...if you don't mind me asking?" I just about slapped myself. I shouldn't ask her this. I just met her. Maybe she didn't want anyone to know, but I asked without thinking. I seemed to say whatever I felt like around her. Almost as if I couldn't lie to her or hide from her.

"No, I don't mind at all," I was relieved, "I have leukemia." I felt a hard, dry lump in my throat.

"Leukemia?"

"It's like cancer."

"No, I know what it is…it's just, I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Everything happens for a reason, right?" I nodded.

"Yeah, everything happens for a reason. Hey Kally, I better go. I should be with Darry right now. He needs me." I knew when I told Kally that her sister didn't get along with her due to age difference that I was lying. I mean, even if Darry didn't understand me, he was there for me and I knew I should be there for him.

"Ok, will you come back?"

"Come back?"

"You don't have to, I just meant…"

"I'll come by and see you tomorrow." Her eyes glowed and she smiled.

"Really?"

"Sure. See you tomorrow."

I walked out of the room. I felt sudden relief, like everything would somehow be ok. I walked back to the waiting room to find Darry.


	6. Fight the Fight

Author Note: Thanx to the reviewers again. Hey, guess what, in bio I'm like learning about this mitosis and cells junk and so I was actually paying attention in class, so I could put it in this story and like sound smart and stuff. Anyhoo, hope you doods (yeah, I know I spell it wrong, but it looks cool that way) like this chappie and don't worry cuz he will go visit Kally in the next one!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always!

Ponyboy's POV

I finally reached the waiting room. I saw Darry pacing back and forth. He stopped suddenly when he saw me.

"Ponyboy, I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you like that and then when you left I guess my pride kept me form going after you, but I tried to find you later. The doctor said that I shouldn't worry because you were probably with the one person who could make it better, but I didn't have time to ask what he meant because he had a patient to take care of and I'm just so very sorry." He was almost out of breath. I think he said all of that with out stopping to take a breath I walked to him and fell into his arms. He squeezed me so hard he was shaking.

"I'm sorry too, Darry." After that I told him everything that happened. We assumed the doctor had been talking about Kally, I figured she probably was the one person who could make things better. Almost as soon as I finished my story, the doctor came in.

"Hey, I'm glad to know you made it back safe and sound Ponyboy; I assume you had a talk with Kally? I nodded, "Well, in regards to Soda, you can come with me to the room and I will explain everything." Darry and I followed doctor Hashings to Soda's room. I walked in and looked over at him. There were so many machines I could barely see him. He just looked so lifeless; I didn't even feel like he was there. The room usually glowed when Soda was there, but this one was just as dull as any other.

"Ok, so I have discussed and studied Soda's case with the pulmenologist and our findings are quite complex." I noticed that Dr. Hashings used a very different vocabulary when talking medically, but maybe he had to be a different person then. "Some of his brain cells were damaged during the fall. This is what is affecting his shortness of breath. Ironically brain cells are the only cells that can not undergo mitosis, which is used to repair worn out cells, so other cells are having to take over the job of inhaling and exhaling. He is growing weaker from this. We have equipment here that we are using to do some of his breathing for him, at least until his brain can adapt to this condition. However, he has to have strength to get him through until his brain is able to do this and because of everything else that has happened, his physical strength is low. We think or rather we are hoping that the machines can get him through it and his body will adapt to the condition of lacking cells. If it can, then he should be just fine."

"But didn't you say something before about him staying asleep because of the signal?" Darry asked.

"Yes, but it turns out I was wrong. He is sleeping due to plain exhaustion. He has had excessive strain on his body and with everything he is just worn out."

"When will we know if he will be ok?"

"When he wakes up, if he is breathing properly, with no weakness then he's healed. It's now just a simple question of if he has the strength to carry on until his body is adapted to working without the needed cells…I know that there is probably no point in saying this, but you boys can go home and get some rest tonight. You both look beat."

"You don't really think we'd leave him now do you?' I asked. He grinned wildly.

"No, I told you there was no point in saying it even." I smiled at him, He was real nice. Usually doctors sort of intimidated me, but he was different. I guess maybe some adults can still stay gold. He left, and Darry and I were left to wait.

We were up pretty much the whole night. Occasionally one of us dozed off, but not for to long. Soda never woke up and I was really getting worried and worn out for that matter. I mean, I know sitting and waiting doesn't really involve much, but just waiting sort of slowly emotionally drains you until you're completely out of it.

Before I knew it, it was morning. The doctor came by and checked on Soda. He didn't say much except that we just had to wait it out and maybe Soda would wake up for a few minuets periodically. I hoped that he would, just to reassure me that he was still there.

"I'm going to go call Two-Bit and Steve," Darry said, "I never got a hold of them yesterday."

"Ok." He left and I felt really lonely without him. I wondered what Steve and Two-Bit would do when they found out. I knew Two-Bit would probably turn serious, like he did when Johnny was in the hospital, but what about Steve. Maybe he would bawl. After all Soda was his best buddy, but even then I had never seen him bawl before. Of course, I don't know about when Johnny and Dally died. He didn't that I know of, but maybe he did after I passed out. I still didn't think he would, he'd probably just get mad.

Darry walked in and my thoughts broke. "Did you get a hold of them?"

"Yeah, Steve about blew up. He wants a full description of the socs, so that he can make sure to beat their heads in. They also want us to call them everyday to update and as soon as he is out of the family only condition they said they'll be here."

"Ok, I feel pretty sorry for those socs if Steve gets a hold of 'em. I always thought he fought for anger." Darry just sighed; I knew he didn't get it. I looked up at the clock it was a little after twelve. I ate some lunch, only because Darry said he'd skin me if I starved myself. I was finishing a sandwich when I saw Soda stir. I got so excited, that I nearly choked on my food. I elbowed Darry to get his attention and swallowed practically half the sandwich, so I could talk.

"Darry, I think he's waking up!" Darry walked to the opposite side of his bed. I saw Soda open his eyes and it was like a heavy weight was lifted off of me and I could breathe easily for the first time. I was relieved. Darry stroked his hair softly.

"Darry," Soda whispered weakly, "I feel awful." I could tell he was exhausted. He talked so soft I could barely hear him and even then it was taking a lot out of him. I felt like bawling, but I tried real hard to suck it in because I didn't want to scare him. I figured that was the last thing he needed.

"It's ok little buddy, you're just really weak right now. You're breathing ok though right?"

"Yeah, why?" he mumbled shakily and I wished I could do something to give him strength.

"You stopped breathing yesterday."

"What?" Soda looked alarmed.

"Don't get upset ok," Darry told him "just relax ok. You just really need to take it easy right now, please Soda, I'm serious." He explained to Soda everything that had happened. He said he sort of remembered, but he was confused. When Darry finished there was a long awkward silence. Soda looked around. "Everything ok," Darry asked him.

"I was…" he paused and gathered his strength, "I was wondering if Steve or Two-Bit was here."

"Well, they would be, believe me, they would be, but it's family only. They're going to come by as soon as the doctor says you're up for it." Soda just nodded. I couldn't believe how weak he was. He could barely talk and didn't move at all. "Are you hungry at all?" Darry asked.

"Yeah man….I'm starved."

"I'll go get you something to eat." Darry left the room.

"Do you need anything else," I asked Soda.

"Na man, I'm ok."

"Are you sure, because I'll get something for you or if you want me to do something, are you feeling ok?"

"Ponyboy, it's ok, I'm fine."

"Soda, just tell me if you're not ok. I can't take another shock like that. Like, when… oh never mind."

"Tell me Ponyboy," he said in a shaky voice and I hoped I wasn't wearing him out even more.

"It's just when you stopped breathing, Soda I didn't know what to do then..."

"I'm starting to remember it, kind of anyway. I remember being real scared and thinking I was going to die and I was wondering if someone was going to help me."

"Yeah and I just stood there because I didn't know what to do. It happened real fast and then once it hit me I got more scared than I'd been in a long time and every time you gasped and couldn't breathe…it felt like everything in my body was breaking because I couldn't do anything for you Soda."

"Ponyboy…am I going to…to die?" I knew I was bawling now and that there was no use trying not to.

"No, Soda you won't, you can't. I need you and Darry needs you and Two-Bit and Steve and we love you so much and you won't. The doctor said if you can hold on until your body gets used to your condition, you'll be fine, so…just, just fight Soda. Don't give up on me, please, don't die, please don't die on me."

"_Damnit, Johnny…" he begged, slamming one fist against the wall, hammering it to make it obey his will. "Oh, damnit, Johnny, don't die, please don't die…"_

"Ok, Ponyboy, don't cry ok, I'll be ok, I'll fight ok, I promise….Now," he took a deep breath in and I could almost feel his weakness, "now, come here you." I hugged him softly and for one moment it didn't even feel like he was in the hospital, he was still Soda and that would never change.

Darry came back with some soup for him. We helped him eat it because he was getting pretty tired.

"You should probably sleep now Little Buddy," Darry told him, after he had finished.

"Ok, but what about you guys, aren't you tired?" He fell asleep before we even had a chance to answer. Darry leaned over and stroked his hair softly. I could see the pain and worry in his eyes. He just looked at Soda and I wondered if he felt as helpless as I did. I didn't know what to say to him to make his helplessness go away, so I just sat quietly watching him and trying to think of something, anything to say.


	7. A Judgmental Place

I remembered that I had promised Kally I would go by and see her. I wondered if maybe her parents would mind me visiting her and where her parents were for that matter. I mean, if I had leukemia and my parents were alive, I'm pretty sure they would be with me. That was one thing I noticed about a lot of soc families, even if they give there child everything, they don't always give them their care, maybe that was another difference. Greasers always had someone to really care about them: siblings, parents, or friends.

I told Darry where I was going and he promised to come get me if Soda woke up. I started the walk down the hallway. When I got there, I knocked on the door.

"Come in," I heard her say, "Wow, you came," she said surprised.

"Why wouldn't I. I told you I would." She just shrugged.

"How's your brother, Soda?"

"He's doing better actually. He woke up today. He didn't really stay awake for long. He was pretty weak and stuff, but I at least had a chance to talk with him."

"I knew he would, I prayed for you last night."

"You did?"

Yeah, I think it worked right Ponyboy, it worked?"

"Yeah Kally, it did work." I knew then one prayer wasn't so little and one prayer could make a difference. There was silence for a while, but it wasn't in an awkward way like it usually is. It was so relaxed I almost tried to make it awkward.

I saw Kally lean back against her pillow. She looked kind of pale. I remembered that she had cancer. Whenever she said something, I almost forgot she was sick. But, I remembered now and I wished I hadn't. What if it got really bad? What if….. what if she died?

"Are you feeling ok?" I asked, trying to keep my voice normal and steady.

"Yeah, I'm, fine, I just get tired sometimes all of a sudden."

"Do you need a nurse or the doctor?"

"No it's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Ponyboy, yes I'm sure. You're a worry wart aren't you?" she said with a little giggle.

"Yeah, I am, honestly, hospitals make me really nervous. I haven't had real good experiences hear. I was here once, Soda's here now, and my best friend died here…"

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Well, I know, but I am sorry. Why…why did he die, if you don't mind talking about it?"

"I'll tell you, but it's a long story. I'll have to start from the beginning."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere now am I!"

"Ok, well first I have to tell you something about me."

"What?"

"I'm a greaser." Her eyes got wide.

"You are? Oh no, you have to go."

"What? Why?"

"Because….because my dad says I'm not allowed to talk to greasers. I don't know why, but my sister too. She says that too. She says that all greasers are bellow us and because they're jealous they try to hurt us! She said we're socs and that we ARE above all greasers, so I'm not allowed to talk to greasers ever, no matter what." I felt like someone had just belted me and knocked all the wind out of me. I didn't understand. I cared about Kally. I hadn't even known her for two days, but still I cared, but she didn't want to have one thing to do with me. Why did I even care about this? She was just some little kid, but I did. I was shocked and I didn't even know what to say.

"I'll leave," I said softly. I got up and started walking out…

"WAIT! Don't go!"

"DONT GO?" I was nearly yelling, "You just told me that I was below you and you made it clear that you didn't want to have anything to do with me, so what on earth do you want me to wait for? Make up your mind would you?" Tears were filling her eyes. I wished I was dead or somewhere else, anywhere else. I can't stand it when girls cry. I mean, I had made her cry, some little girl with cancer, no wonder everyone thinks I'm so bad.

"Look, Kally, don't cry, please, ok, just don't cry. I didn't mean to yell like that. I was just mad." She stopped crying and I was relieved.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't think of you that way Ponyboy. I think you're nice and I don't understand why my parents and my sister say that. They haven't met every greaser in the world, so how do they know that they're all that way. How do they even know? I just don't understand why people think bad things about other people, especially when they don't even know them." I stared at her in amazement. She didn't know. She really didn't know any of the pain or judgment that this world held. It was because she was gold. She didn't know the bad things in the world, like she couldn't even see them and I was worried for her. I didn't want her to find out. I wanted to shelter her from it forever, but I knew that that was impossible.

"Kally, this world is judgmental."

"But why?"

"I don't know, but it is. Socs think that greasers are bad and greasers think that socs are bad. But I know greasers and socs. Really they are all the same. Socs lack love for each other and true happiness, things money can never buy and they have to pretend to be what they're not, just to live up to some expectations and it kills them inside. Yet, everyone thinks they have it made, like everyone thinks greasers are so bad. But, really we don't do anything the socs wouldn't and life is ruff with bad homes, a lot of hard parents. Plus, middle class, people think they're the lucky ones because they don't have either problems, but maybe, they have both, maybe they just wish they knew who they were. I don't know, but Kally, that's just the way it is. Everyone thinks that the other people are different from the way they really are, no one is happy with who they are, and no one is really happy at all."

"But, greasers don't want it this way, socs don't want it this way, and middle class people don't want it this way…So why is it this way? It's so stupid."

"It really is, but everyone is afraid to speak out. No one admits that this is how they feel, so everyone goes on feeling like they're all alone."

"Well why can't someone just do something about it.? I mean, if they do something about it and another person and another and another, then we could make things different, couldn't we?"

"We could, but it's not that simple."

"Why not? You're just making it complicated. Why can't you speak out Ponyboy?"

"Because, unlike you, I'm not that brave I can't face people with this."

"You just told me."

"But you're different Kally, easy to talk to, not everyone is like you. Why don't you? If anyone could do something about this world it would be you."

"Really, you mean it?"

"Yeah, you're smart and brave and kind."

"Ponyboy?"

"Will you tell me that story now, please?"

"Sure," I said with a smile.


	8. Stay With Me

Author Note: Thanx to the reviewers and sorry updates have been slow! I saw the little girl that I got the name Kally from over the weekend and she was happy here name was here, not that anyone needs to know that, but it was really cute!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

Ponyboy's POV

I told Kally everything starting from walking home from the movies to writing my essay for English class. She listened the whole time. I didn't leave anything out. I wasn't afraid to tell her everything I had felt. I had never really told anyone about this. I had written a paper on it, but to talk about it out loud is completely different. I didn't really understand why it was so easy to talk to Kally, but it was and I felt like I could tell her anything and she would understand.

"That's all. I got the essay back and I was upset, Soda decided to go to the movies with me, then he got beat up, and now he's lying in a hospital bed…because of me." I stopped shocked at what I had just said. I couldn't believe it, but I was right…it was because of me.

"What do you mean? It's not because of you!"

"It is Kally. He was only going to the movies to make me feel better and if he wasn't going to the movies, he wouldn't have been walking and he wouldn't have gotten beat up so bad."

"Ponyboy, please don't blame this on yourself. You love Soda. I know you do and I know you would do anything to prevent what happened and ya know what…I bet he knows that too."

"Thanks Kally…it's just it seems like everyone keeps leaving. At least with my parents, I know it wasn't my fault. I wasn't even there and with Dally I know it could have been worse, but Johnny. I mean, it is my fault…he was running away with me when it happened and he killed the soc because he was drowning me and he went in that church after I went in to get out the kids and then when we were getting out of the church, as it was crashing down, Johnny shoved me out the window first and sometimes I wonder…if it would have been me. And then…and then Kally I feel even worse because Johnny was the gangs pet and everyone looked out for him and I feel like I failed and I let him down and I let him die and with everything he put me first. He ran away with me without complaining, he killed someone to save me, and he didn't let me go in that church by myself. But, I never did that for him…." I felt hot tears of frustration running down my cheeks. "And still, I'm selfish because I want him here. I need him still He was the only person who understood. I mean, Soda, he tries to understand and he listens, but he just doesn't feel the same way as me, like Johnny"

"Ponyboy, you'll find someone who does

"Maybe I already did," I said smiling at her. She smiled blushing and for a second I felt like she was my kid sister. I kind of always wanted a little sister, someone to look after, but so far she mostly looked after me. "It's just to watch him die. He gave his life to save those little kids. He was a hero a gallant hero who didn't deserve his death. But he did die and I watched him and he died so weakly he was worn out and helpless and it was the worst thing you could have imagined and then right after I watched Dally, Dally who never had a chance to love life, Dally, who was an insane hoodlum crumple under the street light." I started bawling pretty bad.

"Ponyboy…..Johnny did die a hero. He fought until the end and he went because he knew it was his time and when he died, an angle took him in their arms and carried him to heaven. He flew on the golden wings of an angle all the way there. He's happier now and I know…I know it doesn't help you, but if you care about him enough you can be happy for him. And, he's still watching over you. He's just doing it from heaven. He's a guardian angle, trying to protect the world. He's a hero, remember? Brave and fearless and gallant and in heaven with Dally and your parents at his side he fights for this world. He is fighting right now to help it…and all of them Ponyboy: Johnny, Dally, and your parents are watching over you, loving you each day, being proud of you, and waiting for you to join them." I was dumbfounded. Everything she said seemed to make so much sense. She seemed to know the world and everything about it, even though she wasn't even eight years old. I was picturing Johnny flying to heaven on golden wings joining my parents and then being joined by Dally. The picture she painted was so peaceful that I almost felt good about everything that happened. I felt at ease.

"Thanks Kally, you're an ok kid ya know!"

"You're not so bad yourself."

"There was a sudden knock on the door. Kally called for them to come in. Darry was standing in the door way.

"Hey Darry," I turned to Kally, "Kally Darry, Darry Kally." Darry walked over and shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you." He said politely. I could have died laughing, what with him putting on his manners and all. He was a regular gentleman, but Darry always did seem to have that quality of order and respect that the rest of the gang lacked. Still though, it was hilarious.

"I don't mean to be rude," there he went again, "but we need to go Pony, the Doctor is coming by soon to let us know how Soda's doing."

"Ok, I'll see ya later Kally!"

"Ok, see ya!"

Darry and I walked to Soda's room. I noticed that he wasn't saying anything. He seemed really worried.

"Hey Darry, you ok?"

"I don't know. Soda kinda seems bad off again."

"But I thought that doctor hasn't come yet."

"Well I don't know for sure, but he's shivering in his sleep and he's looking awfully pale."

"Darry come on, don't get yourself paranoid. I'm sure it's ok. We'll just wait for what the doctor says." Almost as soon as I said that, the doctor walked in." He examined Soda. I was starting to get a little nervous myself. He kept looking over charts and stuff and frowning. He looked at us shaking his head.

"Ok, well he's hit the make or break point," the doctor began. That didn't sound too bad. "His cells are beginning to take over all of the necessary jobs. However, his body is under a lot of strain because of it. He's getting weaker and he's starting to get sick. Right now he's running a really high fever. I'm going to give him some medicine to help it go down, but it won't do much for the way he's feeling. He's sleeping now so he's not in any pain, but I'm predicting he'll wake up pretty soon. I'm just forewarning you that he's not going to feel well when he wakes up, but if he can just get through it just until his body has time to adjust then it should all be over." I took a deep breath. It wasn't as bad as I had prepared myself for. I wasn't going to let Soda give up, not now. He could take pain; he could fight it out and get through. I knew he could. I just hoped he wouldn't feel too bad. I couldn't stand it when either of my brothers got sick, even just with normal things. I don't know why but it just always really bothered me.

The doctor left. I looked at Darry and again it seemed as though he'd aged even more. I wanted to say something to him, but I didn't really know what, and I didn't get the chance. I saw Soda begin to shiver. He opened his eyes.

"Hey. So…" I stopped suddenly when I saw he shut his eyes and winced.

"Darry is he ok?" I said in alarm. Darry walked over and put his hand on Soda's forehead. He's burning up." He stroked Soda's hair." You ok, Little Buddy."

"Darry…."

"Yeah it's me Soda what is it? Are you ok?" Soda didn't even open his eyes and I was starting to get scared again. His body looked so limp and lifeless and I didn't understand. He started shivering something fierce.

"Darry…" he said shaking, "I'm so… cold." He began breathing heavily and I was afraid he would start suffocating again.

"Please God, Please no," I thought to myself. I was relieved when his breathing turned normal again.

"Darry, can't we do something for him?" Darry just looked at me helplessly. "Darry, we have to do something. I love him Darry, maybe to much for my own good, cause this is about killing me, please, do something…." "I love my brother," I whispered. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears and anger and frustration rising. I felt my eyes ache as I strained to keep tears from forming.

"Ponyboy…" Soda whispered softly. I went to the side of his bed and knelt down, so I could hear him. "Ponyboy, I'm trying to fight….to fight just like you told me Pony," his voice was shaking because he was shivering so much. "Ponyboy, I'm trying…but I'm so tired and ……everything hurts so much and I can't…" I was bawling but pretty softly. "Just help me Ponyboy, please…"

"I want to Soda. Oh God, I would do anything, you know that don't you? Me and Darry, we'd do anything to take your pain away…but Soda we can't. We can't feel the pain for you and we can't give strength to you, but we're here, we're right beside you. We can't physically feel it, but don't you know that every time you show a sign of being in pain my heart feels like it's torn in two. I mean, just tell me, tell me what you want us to do, we'll do it I swear"

"Don't leave me, stay with me, ok," he whispered. I started bawling pretty bad.

"Don't…don't cry Ponyboy...come here, just stay with me." I laid gently beside him and rested my head, careful of his cast, on his chest. He put his arm around me and held me tight. "I'm so tired Ponyboy."

"I know," I said through tears, "I know, but just fight Soda please, don't give up on me. I'll get you through." Soda motioned for Darry to lie on his other side. Darry did. He would have done anything for Soda, if he thought it would help.

We laid there for a few quiet minuets, until Soda had a sudden shivering attack and his breathing became deep and shaky.

"Are you ok?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"I'm….so cold….and I can't…stop…shaking."

"Easy Little Buddy," Darry said softly.

"It's ok Soda, you're gonna be ok, just relax ok, don't get yourself worked up. We'll stop shivering ok, together, just relax. I clung to him tightly as Darry stroked his hair and slowly he stopped shivering and his breathing turned regular.

We continued through the night in the same way. Occasionally Soda would start to feel bad and want to give up, but we always stopped it and he fought hard. I fell asleep sometime around one in the morning. I had dozed off earlier, but had always been woken when Soda was having a rough time. After he went for about an hour being ok, I figured it was ok to fall asleep. I did and I didn't wake up again until morning.


	9. Recovery

Author Note: Don't forget people, if you're worried about Soda, you can read the story spoiler at he bottom of chapter four, but don't worry, I think this chapter will help you guys out! Thanks to the reviewers. Eternal Dragon101 you're right, they don't deserve this! And I know everyone has probably figured this one out, but if I forget to say it's always Ponyboy's POV! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Even though it will probably way after Thanks giving before I post this!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

Ponyboy's POV

I opened my eyes slowly. I forgot where I was, like when you first wake up and you can't remember a thing, but then every awful memory of the night before came back. I shut my eyes trying to block it out. I finally opened them and looked at Soda. I saw that he was wide awake. He looked so much better compared to the night before. His color was back and he wasn't shaking at all.

"Hey," I said softly, "how long have you been awake for?"

"About a half hour,"

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You looked so peaceful, besides I know you were up most of the night. It was a pretty rough night huh?"

"Yeah, mostly cause I was scared to death for you."

"Ponyboy, I have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. I kept thinking, well you know…" I nodded, "But the thing is…I knew it would be ok. I mean, there were so many times when I wanted to give up, when I wanted to just give in to the pain and everything….but I never did. I couldn't. Every time I was ready to give up I would here you tell me to fight or I would feel your head on my chest…and every time I was tried or hurt I would just hold you closer or listened harder, or…or I'd think of Darry and all he went through to keep our family together. Look, I wont…I can't leave you guys; we're all we have left now, remember?"

"_We're all we got left. We ought to be able to stick together against everything. If we don't have each other, we don't have anything. If you don't have anything, you end up like Dallas…and I don't mean dead, either. I mean like he was before. And that's worse than dead……" _

"I love my brothers," he said, giving me a playful punch on the shoulder.

I was so happy, I could have bawled. "So you're feeling better then now right?"

"Yeah, I feel pretty good now." I looked over and saw that Darry wasn't there.

"Where's Darry?" I asked Soda.

"He went to call Two-Bit and Steve. The doc came by a few minuets ago. He said I was doin' a lot better and everything and I was out of the family only condition. Also that I can probably go home in a couple of days "

"That's great!"

Two-Bit and Steve were supposed to come around lunch time, just to give Soda time to rest and make sure he was ok. I went to see Kally and told her that Soda was better. Soda had said he wanted to meet Kally, so I asked her if she wanted to go by and see him.

"Yeah that would be great," she said smiling. I asked the nurse if it would be ok and she said that Kally could go, but not for too long. Kally's nurse was real nice. She had really blonde hair and sparkling blue green eyes. Kally called her Nurse Lauren, so I just did the same. She was young though, she was actually an intern I think, so she was around Darry's age.

I had to take Kally in a wheel chair because she would get sick if she was up and stuff too much. I always seemed to forget that she had leukemia, but times like this made me remember and I didn't like it.

Kally and Soda hit it off right away. I guess because she was a little kid and well Soda pretty much acted like a little kid. They were laughing and having a good ol' time. Darry and I just stood there smiling and watching them. After all Soda had been through, it was great to see him his happy-go-lucky self again/

It wasn't long before we heard a knock on the door. The nurse came by to get Kally. I guess I lost track of time. I didn't want to wear her out or anything.

"Hi everyone," the nurse said cheerfully, "Are these your brothers Ponyboy,"

"Yeah,"

"Yes ma'am would be more appropriate," Darry cut in.

"Yes ma'am is for my mother," the nurse said smiling. I saw Soda stick his tongue out at Darry behind his back and Kally rolled her eyes. Of course both of them busted out laughing.

"Anyway," I said to the nurse, "this is Soda," Soda waved excitedly, "and this is Darry." Darry shook her hand. I walked over to Soda's bed where he and kally were sitting. We started mimicking Darry with all his manners and what not. Neither Darry nor Lauren seemed to notice though.

"Ponyboy," she said without even tuning around, "You never told me you had such handsome brothers." I thought she meant Soda, but she was still staring at Darry. I saw Darry blush, which was really unusual.

"Darry and the nurse sitting in a tree," Soda sang quietly, so just Kally and I could hear.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G," Kally echoed. We were all laughing, but still Darry and Nurse Lauren didn't notice.

"I'm Lauren," the nurse said.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you." Darry answered.

"Well," she said softly," I have to get Kally back." She left with Kally. Darry just sat there, staring.

As soon as Kally and Lauren were out the door, Soda started up again.

"First comes love, then comes marriage……" Soda laughed hysterically.

"Gee Soda, you're mature," Darry said sarcastically.

"Oh admit it," I said smiling, "You like her."

"Whatever you say Little Buddy, whatever you say."

'Ha," shouted Soda, "he admitted it."

"Darry has a girlfriend, Darry has a girlfriend." I began. Darry flexed his muscles.

"You really want to go there little man."

"Yes I do," I replied, so of course Darry tackled me playfully. I rolled on Soda's bed and they both began tickling me so much I thought I would die if they didn't stop. They finally did though.

"Seriously though Dar," Soda said, "I think you should go for it."

"Yeah, I think you should too."

"Maybe I will, just maybe I will. I'll probably wait till you're out of the hospital Soda,"

"Ok," he said, "but ask her out now." Darry shrugged, "Oh come on man, the doctor said I would be out of here in a couple of days if I keep up like this, you heard him, so ask her out for next weekend."

"OK, I guess I'll just go right now then."

"So go," I said impatiently.

"I'm going I'm going." Darry said. He opened the door to leave Soda's room. Nurse Lauren was standing right outside.

"I thought I'd save you the walk," she said smiling. Soda and I grinned at each other. Darry was just standing there.

"Come on man," I thought to my self.

"Ummmm," Darry began. It was strange to see him nervous. He looked vulnerable almost. "Would you like to go out with me this weekend?"

"I'd love to. I live at 73152 West Willock Lane. "

"Great, I'll see you then."

"Ok…" they stood staring at each other for a few minuets. "Well, I really do have to get Kally taken care of now; I'll see ya around though."

"Ok, bye." She left and Darry sat down in the chair in a daze. It was great to see him so happy.


	10. The Cooler, The Dream, The Kiss

Soda was getting really excited to see Two Bit and Steve. It had only been a couple of days, but the gang is usually always together and it wasn't the same being without them. We heard a knock on the door and without even waiting for an answer Steve cam running through the door.

"Heeeeey buddy," Steve shouted running over to Soda. Soda had him in a bear hug and they were arm wrestling before we knew it, yeah and Soda was supposed to be taking it easy. After a while, we all started playing poker.

"Man I was so worried about you," Steve told Soda as he laid down a straight, "I was ready to beat those socs so bad," he started swearing under his breath.

"Take it easy buddy. I'm ok, ok?"

"No, not ok, I swear I'm gonna put them through the same shit they put you through."

"Steve, you don't have to."

"Oh yeah I do. They made you sick and hell I know that Darry and the kid were worried half to death themselves this whole time so I'll get them for that too." Soda just shrugged and decided to let it go. When Steve was mad it was better to drop it than to try and reason with him.

"Hey, where's Two-Bit," I asked trying to ease the tension.

"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you guys. Two-Bit's in cooler."

"What for this time, disturbing the peace again?" Soda said remembering the time he and Two-Bit got hauled into the station for doing handstands in the street, which was supposedly disturbing the peace.

"Na man, "Steve said hardening, "it was serious this time…"

"What happened?" Soda asked.

"The fuzz got him for public intoxication. He was drunk…real drunk. Not like his usually boozed up self though. He wasn't his joking drunk self…he was just mad…just plain mad. He started talking about going and jumping people. It's unlike Two-Bit to go looking for fights, but I kinda encouraged it. I guess I was kinda hacked off too since my old man was after me and all the night before, but….but I thought he just wanted to go look for those socs who got you or some other guys who have given us trouble before or something, maybe find Shepard and bully around, mostly just to blow of steam, ya know? But, he started going after these little kids. I stopped him but he was real mad by then. He ran off. I went looking for him and found him going after some girls pretty bad and I mean it's one thing to go and jump some guys ya know, but these were girls man. Some one called the fuzz and he got hauled in. It was pretty bad… I don't know what happened. He just drank pack after pack after pack more than I had ever seen him drink before and it affected him differently. You know how some people get aggressive when they're drunk. Well Two-Bit don't usually get like that or nothin', but this time he did. Boy he sure did this time." I was shocked. It was hard to picture Two-Bit like that. He wasn't innocent or anything, but he would never hurt people intentionally especially girls and little kids. I didn't understand.

"How long's he gonna be in the cooler for?" I asked Steve.

"Well he can either pay a fine, which is out, cause we all know he doesn't got the money for that, but he can get off with doing community service. He said that's what he's gonna do, so he's getting out tomorrow. He said he'd come by and see Soda then." Steve stayed for a while longer and then left. It was silent for a while, but Soda finally spoke.

"That really didn't sound like Two-Bit."

"You ain't a woofin'," I answered, "You sure ain't a woofin…"

I woke up in a cold sweat. I was sitting up with my heart was pounding in my ears. I had had one of those nightmares. I never remember them, but I know it's always the same one and it always scares me something awful.

"Ponyboy," Soda said sleepily," are you ok." I laid back down.

"I had one of those dreams again." I heard Darry wake up.

"You guys ok," I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Ponyboy had that dream again," Soda told him. Darry sat up.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, but it was pretty bad this time,"

"You're probably just upset about Two-Bit and you have a lot on your mind." Darry said.

"Yeah, I guess so."

Soda let me sleep in the middle of him and Darry. I felt safe having my brothers on either side of me, but it was still a while before I could get to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Two-Bit.

In the morning I brought Kally to Soda's room again. They were two of a kind, happy-go-lucky and fun-loving. Nurse Lauren was coming out of the room when I went to get Kally.

"Hey," she said with a smile. I noticed she always had a smile, "Are you taking Kally to see Soda and Darry."

"If she wants to go,"

"I'm sure she will, I'll go get her and maybe I can come and get her after a while," she said, this time with a wink. I knew she just wanted to see Darry and I couldn't help but grin.

She got Kally and I took her to Soda's room.

"Hey look who it is," Soda said cheerfully, when we got there. I sat Kally down on the bed.

"Hey Darry," I said, trying my hardest not to laugh, "Nurse Lauren is gonna be coming to get Kally when it's time for her to go back."

"Well how about that" he said with a crazy grin on his face. He went over to the mirror and began fixing his hair. Soda, kally and I just about died laughing. We got into somewhat of a competition about who could tease Darry the most. I remembered a time when I thought only Soda could tease Darry, but I think he liked being teased by Kally the same way and well I had sort of gotten good at teasing him too. He didn't mind, if he did, we would have stopped, but I actually think he was enjoying it.

Suddenly the phone started ringing. Darry answered it.

"Who was it?" I asked.

"It was my boss; I gave him the number in case of an emergency."

"Well what's the emergency?" I asked impatiently.

"He lowered my pay check this month."

"What? Why? Is he crazy? You're the hardest worker I know!"

"Well I haven't exactly been to work lately, now have I?" He sounded really upset.

"I'm sorry Darry," Soda said softly.

"It ain't your fault. I just don't know how I'm gonna pay the bills this month, what with Soda taking off. And don't think I'm gonna let you go back to work anytime soon and get yourself sick, so I just really don't know how I'm gonna pay the bills."

"Well what bills do we gotta pay?" I asked.

"Telephone, gas, water, electricity, you name it, I pay it."

"What about the car, we don't have to pay nothing for that really do we?"

"Insurance, man I forgot all about that." He sat down on the edge of Soda's bed. "I guess I'm not doing such a hot job as a big brother anymore." Kally went over and sat beside him. She looked so small compared to him. Darry is a pretty big guy.

"Oh come on, I'm not even related to you and I know you're the best big brother alive. Ponyboy told me all you gave up for him and Soda. I don't know anyone who would do that, and then the way you stayed here with Soda when he needed you. Look, don't worry about the bills. I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen?"

"Gee I don't know, we could not have electricity or water for a month."

"Well what about Two-Bit. Ponyboy told me that Two-Bit is at yalls house all the time, so go camp out over there for a few days!"

"Oh really, just camp out over there for a few days huh!" Darry said with a crazy grin again. "I suppose we could camp out at Steve's place too?"

"Yeah or with me! That would even be fun,"

"How do you do it?" Darry asked Kally.

"Do what?"

"Make it so simple. Just take the burden right off like it's no big deal. How do you do it?"

"Don't worry so much, that's how."

"Well how on earth do you do that?"

"Well try to look at the good things. I mean you may not have electricity, but other things will go right and you're not going to go down by yourself anyway even if nothing goes right. And hey don't forget about your girlfriend, I bet that will make things a lot better, yeah?

"You're getting as cocky as Sodapop, Heck I bet you could even give Two-Bit a run for his money."

"Well you're an easy person to make fun of."

"Do you really wanna start that? I mean, Ponyboy went there yesterday and it wasn't pretty, so do you really wanna go there?"

"Ummmmm, yep, I do!" Well we couldn't help it. Darry, me, and Soda tickled her until she about died laughing. All of a sudden Nurse Lauren walked in.

"What in the world is going on in here? I could hear Kally laughing all the way down the hallway!"

"I was just teasing Darry about how you and him are boyfriend and girlfriend," Kally answered so proudly. Nurse Lauren blushed.

"Oh, I see." She walked right over to Darry and kissed him softly.

"Now, what do you say to that?"

"Wow," Kally said, "I don't know, but I'll think of something good." Nurse Lauren and kally left, Darry was left dumbfounded in a daze, and Soda and I were left grinning wildly at him.


	11. TwoBit

Author Note: Ok, maybe I already asked this before, but does anyone have a fan mail address for S.E. Hinton, if you do could you put it in a review or a message or an email, that would be very much appreciated.

Not long after Kally and Lauren left, the knock came at the door. We knew it was Two-Bit. I was expecting him to come in and make a big scene, but he just said "Hey," kind of quietly and sat down. I remembered the way he greeted me when I got back from Windrixville…

"_Anybody Home?" a familiar voice called through the front screen and Two-Bit and Steve came in…_

"_In here!" I yelled, forgetting that Darry and Sodapop were still asleep. "Don't slam the door." _

_They slammed the door, of course, and Two-Bit came running into the kitchen. He caught me by the upper arms and swung me around, ignoring the fact that I had two uncooked eggs in my hand. _

"_Hey, Ponyboy," he cried gleefully, "long time no see." _

…but, he seemed different now. There was an awkward silence. I wondered if he knew that we knew about him getting arrested. Was it bugging him the same way it was me?

"So…" Soda began, "what's up?"

"Oh Stop it. I know you all know perfectly well what's up." I guess that answered my question. "I got boozed up, busted, and hauled in, ok, so stop with the silence and if yall wanna talk about it go ahead, just quite being so quiet, cause it's about driving me insane."

"Look Two-Bit," Soda said softly, "we didn't mean you upset you or anything like that man. We were all just worried about you. Steve said you weren't acting like yourself and well, I just thought maybe something was going on with ya and then pony…he had one of those dreams again and then…I don't know it just didn't sound like you."

"Well damn it," Two-Bit said angrily, his voice rising, "maybe I'm sick of being me."

"What do you mean?"

"Look I just, I'm just sick of it ok and, look just leave me alone!"

"We only wanted to help…" I said softly.

"Well I don't need your damn help," he was practically yelling now and he ran out of the room so fast that it took me minuet to realize he left. I stood shocked for a few minuets, I didn't know who this was, but it sure wasn't the Two-Bit I knew.

"I'll go after him," I said softly.

"Ok, but if he gets aggressive, come get me ok Ponyboy?" Darry said.

"I will." I took off down the hallway looking for him. The hallways could go in a lot of different directions and take a lot of different turns, so that really didn't help me find him any easier. I turned down this one hallway and sure enough there he was. He was standing there. I started to walk toward him and saw that someone was in front of him. It was kally! Boy howdy was she ever at the right place at the right time.

"Kally," I called.

"Hey Ponyboy."

"What's going on," I asked as I finally reached them.

"I don't know I was walking around and I ran into ummmmmm…I didn't catch your name."

"Two-Bit," I said.

"This is Two-Bit!"

"That would be me" Two-Bit said.

"Oh, cool, so you're the jokester?"

"Yeah that's me." Two-Bit said coolly.

"Well I didn't mean anything by it," Kally said.

"Sure," Two-Bit said softly. Kally looked at me helplessly, but I just shrugged. I really didn't know what was up with Two-Bit, he usually loved it when people kidded around and stuff.

"Two-Bit man, what's up?" I asked

"I don't know…" he said. I had never seen him this way before there was a sound of despair in his voice. "I just don't know anything anymore….after Johnny and Dallas died, I got…I got scared because I didn't know, I guess I just never saw it happening and well oh I don't know Ponyboy, it's dumb."

"Two-Bit what is it please just tell me. If you don't want to talk to me then talk to someone, but don't let it eat at you like this ok?"

"Ok, I'll…I'll tell you. I guess I just started thinking about life and what was sure in life, like what can you really depend on, but I realized Ponyboy, that I can't depend on anything." There were tears in his eyes, but he'd never let them fall. Two-Bit hardly ever bawled and if he did, he would never in a public place. "I can't even depend on myself because I don't even really know who I am or what I'm good for. I mean, you got your smarts, Darry's got his strength, Soda's got his looks, and Steve's good with cars I guess that night when I was out with Steve I wasn't feeling much like I was good for anything and then Soda was in the hospital and we walked by the lot and it brought back memories of Johnny and Dally and it hurt so much man, so I started drinking and then Steve said something about how I was such a boozed up fool and he was kidding and everything, but it really hit me hard. I guess I drink mostly to give an excuse to myself for being so scatterbrained. I mean all I'm good for is following other people and joking around and being a joke. With the booze at least I have a reason for being such an idiot." I hardly knew what to say. The gang loved the way Two-Bit was always joking around. I mean, I always thought Two-Bit was confident in the way he was, but, I guess even Two-Bit had weaknesses…I just never saw them.

"Look man…" I began, but I just really didn't know what to say. I looked at Kally, who was listening intently to Two-Bit.

"Everyone loves people like that," she said finally, "I mean, a follower, what's wrong with that? If everyone was a leader then no one would stick together everyone would just go, go, go and lead no one. And...And joking is what you're good at and that's great. This world could use more of that. People don't laugh enough as it is. You bring joy to the world and light to the heaviness and that's what people look for as a good quality. I believe in you even if you don't." A smile crossed Two-Bit's face and he turned toward me.

"Ponyboy, where did you find her and where can I get one?"

"I guess that means you're ok now?" I asked.

"Yeah, I don't really know what happened, but I'll be ok now. I'll try not to drink so much again. Of course I is who I am, so ya know I can't quit all together or nothing like that, but at least I won't drink like that one night. Besides high on life's the best kinda high there is anyway."

"Good for you Two-Bit, good for you,"

"Thanks man…I guess we better go back. I need to apologize to your brother for getting in his face earlier. You coming uhhhh…..what's your name?" Two-Bit asked Kally.

"Kally,"

"Cool name, you coming?"

"I would but Nurse Lauren would kill me if she even knew I was out walking around."

"Who's Nurse Lauren?" Two-Bit asked.

"Darry's girlfriend," I said winking at Kally.

We went back to Soda's room. The tension was gone now and there was the usual sense of relief. It was good now, things were starting to lookup. Thanks to Kally, it seemed like she always knew what to say.


	12. Randy to Robert

I thought I might go stir crazy. It had been almost a week since Soda was home from the hospital and it was now finally Saturday. Darry had just left to pick up Lauren. He said they were planning the usual, dinner and movie deal. I really wanted to know what was going on. When it came to my brothers, sometimes I got nosey and Darry on a date, well… "Hey Soda," I shouted. He had the radio turned up so loud I could barley hear myself think and he was running around the house (in his sock feet), singing along with the music and dancing around. Maybe he was already stir crazy.

"Soda…" I shouted again. He came sliding in the room pretending to play the guitar and in the process nearly dropping his chocolate milk all over everything. At least he was feeling better. He was a little tired the first few days he was at home, but he was definitely his old self again. Soda could recover from probably anything.

"What's up?"

"Aren't you curious?"

"About what?"

"DARRY'S DATE!"

"Yeah, but mostly excited."

"Soda, I think I'm gonna die of curiosity here."

"Well chill cause if it goes well he won't be home anytime soon. We could go to The DX and hang out or something."

"No way, Darry says you're supposed to be resting and if he saw us, I'd really get it for letting you go out." Soda made a face and stuck his tongue out. I just rolled my eyes. He went back to pretending to play the guitar and dancing around.

"Hey Soda," I called again.

"What now Pony, it was guitar solo!"

"Well I had an idea, lets go see Kally, I mean Darry wouldn't mind that."

"Yeah, lets go." I had still been going to see Kally everyday. Actually everyone, except Steve had. We all went at different parts of the day though, so she would be alone less. We knew she must get bored being there all the time and everything. I usually went in the mornings, since I had three weeks off for winter break, Soda and Darry usually went in the afternoon on the way home from work, and Two-Bit would go either with me (if he was awake) or in the evening.

The tires squealed as Soda started toward the hospital, he was definitely a crazy driver.

"Hey," Kally greeted us as we walked in.

"Hey," we said back.

"So, tonight is Darry's date, Nurse Lauren was excited about it all day," she said with a smile.

"Well so was Darry." Kally, me, and Soda started busting out laughing.

"I finished that book today," Kally said excitedly. I had given her _Gone with the Wind _about a week ago.

"You finished Gone with the wind already?"

"Man, ain't that like a real long book?" Soda asked. I nodded

"Well I couldn't put it down," Kally said. She must have been even smarter than I took her for. She was a little young to read gone with the wind it wasn't exactly the easiest book to follow.

"Man," Soda began, "t would take me a lifetime to finish a book that long or any book for that matter. I ain't real book smart though."

"I'm sure if you read a book you could," Kally said.

'Nah I even dropped outta school I was so dumb,"

"You're not dumb; I bet if you gave it another chance, you could do it."

"Maybe I'll try some day."

All of a sudden there was a pounding, to a really strange rhythm, on the door.

"That would be Two-Bit," Kally told us. She was right, Two-Bit came running through the door. He looked really hyped up. Two-Bit had the Soda quality of sometimes getting really excited over nothing.

"Hey Kally, Hey Soda, Hey Pony! How's all yall doin' this fine evenin'." He was definitely high; at least lately it was high on life high. Kally had seen to that and it was good to have Two-Bit happy for a reason other than booze.

"Hey where's Steve, don't you and him usually go to The Dingo and try to pick up broads On Saturdays."

"Well I don't know where he is exactly, lately his tidy-widys have been in a not that's all. He's been in a real bad mood…You know his Dad left right."

'What?" Soda's eyes got wide.

"Yeah, this morning. He'd been kicking Steve out every night this past week and this morning, I was over there just bumming around, he said that since Steve wasn't leaving, he was and he left, with nothing, but a small bag."

"Is he coming back?"

"I don't know for sure. Steve got hacked off real bad and told me to get the hell out too, so left. I thought he really needed time alone or else I wouldn't have left him, but I really think he wants to be alone… Do yall wanna head down to The Dingo for a while."

"I'll stay here," Soda said, "Maybe you could tell me about a book I could read or something Kally," Soda said kind of looking at the floor, non one ever thought those words would come out of his mouth.

"Sure," Kally said. I saw the relief on Soda's face. I knew Kally would make him feel comfortable. He was a little insecure about school related stuff.

"I can go with ya Two-Bit, so you don't have to try to get a girl all by your lonesome."

"Cool." Two-Bit said.

"I'll swing by the Dingo on my way home and get you guys," Soda said, "I don't want you guys walking just the two of you real late at night."

At the Dingo, Two-Bit and I did the usual: we got some cokes, blew the straw wrappers at each other, and checked out all the girls. I was looking around, trying to help Two-Bit find a girl, when I saw a soc standing in the corner. There were rarely socs at the dingo and when they did come, it usually ended in trouble. He looked familiar though. Where had I seen him?

"You ok Pony?" Two-Bit asked.

"I think so……" I suddenly realized where I had seen him. "Two-Bit that's the soc…that's the soc that beat up Soda." All of a sudden there was an eerie silence. The only thing I heard was my heart pounding heavily in my ears. I was standing up and walking over to him. It was like I couldn't stop myself, like I had no control over my body or what I was doing I heard Two-Bit scramble after me.

"Ponyboy wait. What are you doing? Pony…." I reached the guy and realized that my hand had a mind of its own. I spun him around so he faced me. I couldn't believe how jerky I was and how much force I was using. He began swearing under his breath. I shoved him across the room to the table that Two-Bit and I had been sitting at. I pushed him down in a chair. I didn't really know what to do next. I wanted to beat the tar out of him: to hurt him and crush him….but I couldn't. I couldn't make myself…I just couldn't.

"Are you his brother…the kid me and my friends jumped?" I nodded. "Yeah I figured…I thought you were either his brother or one of the people in his gang…but I saw a big guy with you and I figured you were all brothers."

"You saw me? But you left before Darry and I really got there…"

"Look…can we talk outside…I'll tell you everything you want to know…just I can't do it here…not here." He said glancing over at a fight between some socs and the Tim Shepard gang.

"'_We know,' Randy said. 'Come here. I want to talk to you.'"_

"Ok, just let me tell my buddy where I'm going." Two-Bit, who had been distracted by some blondes while following me over to the soc, was now engaging in a conversation with them. "Hey Two-Bit…" I said walking over to him. "I'm going to go talk outside."

"With him?" He asked pointing to the soc.

"Yeah."

"Alright. I'll keep an eye on ya from in here, although I'm sure you could handle yourself."

"You know it. I'll be back in a few minuets."

I walked over to the soc and we went outside. It was really cold and I was wishing I had a jacket, but like usual, I forgot. We stood standing quietly for a few minuets. As much as I wanted to sock him right then and there, I couldn't help but notice the expression of his eyes…there was pain there. There was pain in the eyes of the soc...the soc with the same eyes that looked at my brother while he beat him…how could it be the same guy?

"_Randy was supposed to be to cool to feel anything, and yet there was pain in his eyes." _

_"_I came back. My friends and I had left when we saw people coming, but I came back." He began taking a deep breath. "I had to make sure he was ok."

"Thank you for at least caring."

"No…you don't get it…I didn't come back to make sure he was ok because I cared, and I didn't come back because it was the right thing to do. I came back because I'm selfish."

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't…you have more compassion…more feeling…more care than me...but I did come back...because I didn't want to get in trouble. I mean if you saw me at all you could have called the cops. I came back to make sure he was ok, to make sure my records would be clear...because that's all that ever really mattered in my life." It was quiet for a few minuets. I felt like I should hate him for everything he did and everything he didn't do. But, I just felt sorry for him.

"I would understand ya know," he began again, "If you wanted to call the cops now, or beat me up or anything. I wouldn't blame you. If I were you I would kill me…I know I deserve it. I was one of the ones who jumped him…and me, probably the worst."

"No…I know. I know you didn't mean it and I won't hurt you now…I won't fight you now………………………

"_Useless…fighting's no good."_

_……_not now, it never did anyone any good."

"How can you be so…forgiving?"

"I'm just sick of everything. All of the fighting, all of the pain. I don't now why everything has to be the way it is. Why everyone always has to fight each other. Maybe because they're fighting for something else. Greaser fight for money, socs for feeling, and middle class, for a place in society. But, I don't want to be a part of this fight anymore."

"I know what you mean…I'm sick of it too. But, with my parents and my family and the pressure of what's there…fighting's the only way to make something of yourself. I wish I could be like you. What are you, some kind of saint? I would have beaten the tar out of me by now."

" No, I just don't judge for one mistake. Besides You know you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"Yeah kid, but you just don't know how it is."

"Maybe not, but you don't know everything in the world either."

"Heck I know that...but no one really knows anything anyway…well kid I better be going. Hey, what's your name?"

"Ponyboy."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, even says so on my birth certificate."

"Cool, I'm Robert."

"It was nice talking to you Robert."

"Same here." He said, laying an envelope down on the table and walking off.

"Hey wait, you left your envelope." I called after him

"Open it." He called back. I looked in the envelope and found a check. My mouth dropped. It was more than enough to cover all of Soda's expenses and get us back on our feet.

I ran after him, to make sure he really meant to leave me this kind of money, but he was already gone. I smiled; maybe there was still hope for this fight.

"'_Nice talkin' to you, Randy.'" _


	13. Why did he leave him?

Author Note: Ok, I changed the rating from K+ to T, mostly because of this chapter. I think that rating is good, but if someone thinks different plz let me know.

(I haven't done a disclaimer in a while, but it still goes for always, like the fact that it's Pony's POV)

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

Ponyboy's POV

"Ponyboy, I don't think you would believe how smart I was," Soda began excitedly. He had just picked me up fro the Dingo and apparently had had a great time with Kally. "I was reading this book…" he continued, "and I was telling Kally about how I thought the author did certain things for certain reasons and stuff like that. I mean I really got it. I sounded almost as smart as you!"

"I'm sure you were even smarter."

"Well Kally gave me all these horse books. She has a lot of books and since she likes horse too, a lot of them are about horses. Anyway, I think I will really try to read them…..Ponyboy, do you think I could have made it in school." Soda asked kind of quietly.

"Yeah, definitely. Hey, you want to know what will make your day even better?"

"What?" I handed him the check from Robert. He stopped the car and I nearly died laughing at the expression on his face. His jaw was nearly dropped down to the floor. "Ponyboy, where on earth did you get this?"

"You're not going to believe me, but one of the guys that jumped you that night gave it to me."

"Really?" I nodded.

"Wow, "Soda said as he began driving again, "I never thought I'd see this kinda money."

It was silent for a few minuets. I should be happy. I mean, we had money to pay for everything and Soda was gaining confidence in himself and everything was great…but I had one of those weird unexplained feelings.

"Soda….."

"Yeah?"

"Oh…never mind."

"Pony, are you ok?"

"Yeah it's just…oh I don't know I have one of those bad feelings. Like something awful's gonna happen."

"Well everything should be fine…great actually."

"I think something's up with somebody though. Like someone's in trouble. I don't know, but I had the same feeling right before Johnny…you know…"

"Yeah, I know, but I thought you were ok with that now. Remember, you told me about how Kally talked to you about it."

"Well yeah, but I still miss him. I can't just get over this that easily Soda. Maybe I never completely will." I felt tears fill my eyes and I rushed them away quickly. Soda put his hand on my shoulder.

"It's ok Pony. You should know by now you don't have to suck it up in front of me and maybe you never will get completely over it. You shouldn't. He was your best friend. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to ol' Steve…and besides, you've experienced a lot of loss and you're still just a kid. I'm just sorry everything always seems to happen to you."

"It's ok. I just hate these feelings. They bring back so many memories."

"I know. Maybe we can figure it out. You said it was about someone right?"

"I think."

"Well it's not me, cause I'm sitting right here. Darry is fine, well better than fine," he said giving me a wink, "Two-Bit was ok right."

"Yeah he left the Dingo with some blonde."

"Well then I'm sure he's fine…What bout Steve. I was thinking maybe we could stop by on our way home. With everything that happened with his dad, I thought maybe we could check on him, if that's ok. I would feel better, especially now with your feeling, if I knew he was ok."

"Sure we can stop by."

"Thanks. I know Steve isn't exactly your favorite person and everything…"

"Yeah, but I still don't want anything to happen to him." Soda smiled.

"You're a good kid Pony."

When we got to Steve's house, we saw that a light was on. We knew someone had to be home, so we walked inside. No one ever knocks before going into someone's house. We always just walk in and yell "hey."

"Anyone home?" Soda called. We were looking around when we suddenly heard terrified screams coming from the bathroom. Soda took off at a dead run and I followed.

We reached the bathroom and found someone sitting near the corner screaming. I looked closer and realized it was Steve. I couldn't believe it. Steve Randle, one of the toughest guys I knew. Tear tracks were stained on his face and new tears were spilling out of his eyes and falling all the way to the floor. In his eyes was an expression I had never seen. His eyes were wider than I had ever seen them and in those bulging eyes, there was such dread, terror like I never knew possible. He was breathing heavily too, practically hyperventilating. I just stood staring at him. He didn't seem to notice; his eyes were staring strait forward, as if his gaze was fixed to one point and he couldn't look away. Staring, staring, staring. As if some horrible thing would attack him at any moment and he couldn't look away because he was in such perturbation that he was unable to move or think, at least about anything besides what was haunting him. All he could do was cry, and pant, and scream.

"THEY'RE COMING…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH……OH GOD, THEY'RE COMING."

Soda knelt down on the floor beside him.

"Steve," he began, but Steve continued staring strait forward as if he couldn't hear anything outside his mind, " It's gonna be ok buddy, just calm down," Soda said, as he gently put his hand on Steve's shoulder. Steve angrily pushed his hand away (still staring strait forward) and backed further into the corner. Soda looked up at me helplessly, but I didn't know what to do. He got up form the floor and started walking toward me. He stopped suddenly.

"Soda what is it?" I asked, trying desperately to keep my voice steady. Steve was still screaming and crying and staring, but it was like I couldn't really hear him anymore. Soda pointed to some small squares of paper on the floor.

"What are those?" Tears welled up in Soda's eyes.

"WHAT ARE THEY?" I shouted angrily. I wanted to slap myself. I really shouldn't yell at Soda, but I was just so damn scared and my mind was going crazy. Soda looked at me and I felt awful.

"Soda," I said more gently this time, "what are those little papers?" Soda swallowed hard.

"LSD." I felt my blood run cold and the hairs on my arms stand up. It felt like my heart had just stopped. LSD was no joke. I even heard some kids that got too drugged up on it and died. Some of the kids at my school used it. Usually they said they had panic attacks, hallucinations, and terrible flashbacks from it. I caught Soda as he was about to fall over.

"Easy Soda, it's ok."

"Ponyboy, what are we going to do?"

"Darry." I ran for the phone.

"Darry," I thought, "I have to call Darry...I hope he's home, Darry, Darry, Darry…….." I nearly ran into the wall as I reached the phone. I quickly dialed our house. Darry's voice came on the line.

"Hello,"

"Darry, thank God, you're there, wait you're there?"

"Yeah, I'm here, Lauren's here too; the only question is where are you?"

"Laurens there, ah man. I didn't mess it up, I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do and…." I started bawling pretty bad.

"Ponyboy, it's ok alright? Everything's gonna be fine just calm down."

"Darry, I can't," I sobbed.

"Is Soda ok?" Darry asked. It nearly killed me to hear how worried about Soda he was.

"It's not Soda. It's Steve."

"Are you at Steve's?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, I'm on my way." I heard him hang up. I stood there for a minuet listening to the dial tone. I could hardly move. I felt like there was no energy left in me. I slowly hung up the phone and wiped the tears from my face. I knew it wouldn't help Soda to se me upset.

"I walked back to the bathroom and found Soda standing in the doorway, watching Steve, who was still in the corner and still staring strait forward, with the same panicked expression.

"Darry's coming," I said softly. Soda just nodded. I remembered how quickly Darry had hung up the phone. I knew he left right away. Darry could have been in a meeting with the president, but he would have still left right away if Soda or I needed him.

I must have been in my own world thinking about that because I heard Darry walk in. I heard Lauren with him.

Darry soon reached the bathroom. He put his hand on Soda's shoulder and walked toward Steve. Lauren followed. Steve finally stopped staring strait forward when he saw them approaching. Darry and Lauren began examining Steve. He seemed to panic even more and he backed up as tightly as he could into the corner. We heard someone come in.

"Hey," Two-Bit's voice called, "I thought I'd come by and check on Steve, what's everyone else doing…………………. Woe," He said looking at Steve, "What happened."

"LSD." Darry said. Two-Bit winced.

"He's extremely overdosed," Lauren began. "I would say he needs to be in the hospital, but if we take him there he'll be arrested for illegal drug use…and besides, they can't really do anything for him." Steve suddenly jumped up and started running. Darry grabbed at him and Steve struggled to get away, flinging his arms madly. His hands crashed into the mirror and blood ran from his hands and dripped all over the floor.

Soda fell down onto the floor bawling. I sat next to him, trying to comfort him. Two-Bit helped Darry take Steve into the closet. He was practically insane and we had to lock him in an empty closet where there was nothing he could hurt himself with. Darry locked the door, but we heard Steve ramming violently into the walls and banging on the door, screaming in shrill screeches. Every time Steve screamed, Soda bawled harder and I saw his heart break.

"Darry do something," Soda shouted through tears, "HE'LL KILL HIMSELF IN THERE." Darry filled the closet with blankets and pillows and anything else, soft that he could find, so that if Steve rammed against the wall, it wouldn't hurt him as bad.

Darry, who was now exhausted from getting Steve in their, sat down next to Soda, who buried his head in Darry's lap. Lauren sat down on the other side of Darry. I saw tears spring to her eyes. Darry took her hand and I knew that he really loved her. She loved him to, or else she wouldn't have stayed with us the whole time. I tried to ease Soda's pain by telling him that everything would be alright, but most of my words were drowned out by Two-Bit saying over and over: Why did I leave him? Maybe I could have stopped him if I was here. Why did I leave him? Why did I leave him? Why did I leave him?

And that was that. The five of us were left sitting outside the closet, listening to Steve moan in agony as he beat himself up running away from things that didn't even exist, scream in terror from the images that haunted him, and pound desperately wall trying to free himself from his nightmare. But what could we do except sit helplessly: helpless to change the past, helpless to hope for the future, and helpless cope with the present, so what was left except sitting and waiting.


	14. You'll Always Have Us

I opened my eyes slowly as the warm, sweet smell of bacon drifted into the room. At first I didn't remember where I was (I actually felt like I was home, safe in my bed), but then every memory from the night before came flooding over me like a wave. I looked around. Everyone, but Darry, was sleeping on the floor outside of the closet. I didn't remember falling asleep the night before, but I figured it was sometime after Steve had calmed down. Last night seemed weird to me now, I couldn't seem to get it strait, or to separate dreams from what really happened. I may have really not liked Steve Randle, but I was hoping to God now that he would be ok.

I wiggled out from underneath Soda's arm. He made a little noise in his throat and I thought he was going to wake up. He rolled around for a few minuets longer and then settled back into sleep. I walked, half stumbling from sleepiness, into the kitchen where I found Darry standing over the stove frying bacon.

"Hey Pony," he said tiredly, when he saw me walk into the room.

"Hey, how long have you been up?"

"I never went to sleep."

"Could you not fall asleep or something?"

"I could have, I just chose not to."

"Why?"

"I just wanted to be awake incase someone needed something. Steve might have gotten worse; Soda might have got more upset, or something. I figured if I was already awake, then everyone would be take care of." I looked at Darry and I was sad for him. He looked so exhausted and worn down. He never thought of himself, just of everyone he had to take care of.

"That was nice of you," I said, which out loud sounded pretty dumb. I never could understand why I never could tell Darry how much I really admired him. There was one of those awkward silences. Both of us desperately needed comfort from the night before, but neither of us even wanted to bring that up.

"Is everyone else still asleep?" Darry asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah."

"That's good. It was a pretty rough night last night huh?"

"I guess, I don't really remember anything though. It seems like so long ago. I'm kind of all mixed up."

"Well," Darry said with a sudden strict voice, "you better not get mixed up in this drug business Ponyboy that's all I know."

"Darry come on,"

"I'm serious Ponyboy. This is some serious shit Steve is messing with…"

"I know that."

"Good cause it would kill Soda to see this happen to you… It'd kill me too"

"You don't have to worry about it."

"You're right. You're a pretty good kid. It's just, still being in school, there's a lot of pressure and everything." He shrugged.

"Darry….was Soda ok last night? I mean was he real upset about Steve."

Darry nodded. "Yeah…poor guy was bawling up until the time he wore himself out enough to sleep. That's why I'm sayin' this drug business is a bad thing to get mixed up in. It's like no one even cares about all the people they hurt when they use it."

"Yeah, well don't you think Steve thinks the same thing? Like his dad didn't care about anyone he was hurting when he just left." There was another awkward silence. Did I just defend Steve Randle? I decided to change the subject. Feeling like I could even begin to understand Steve Randle was almost a scary thought.

"How was your date last night?"

"Fine." Fine, was that it!

"That's it? Don't you want to tell me what happened? Ya know details?"

"We're not girlfriends at a slumber party are we?" I felt myself redden.

"Well at least tell me if you love her."

"Ponyboy, we've been on one date. How would I know?"

"So, you'd know if you really loved her and I already know you do, so you might as well admit it."

"Ponyboy, do you have ESP?"

"Maybe." Darry rolled his eyes.

"Why don't you go see if anyone else is awake, and if not wake them up because breakfast will get cold by the time they get up on their own."

"Ok," I agreed, waltzing into the living room to find Soda staring strait at the closet.

"Hey," I whispered so that no one else would wake up, "Are you ok?" He didn't say anything; he just shrugged his shoulders and didn't even turn around. I put my hand on his shoulders for a few minuets and then went to wake up Two-Bit and Lauren. They went into the kitchen for breakfast, but Soda said he wasn't hungry. I brought him a plate, but he still wouldn't even turn around. He just mumbled a thank you and then went silent again.

It only took about five minuets for everyone to come back. I guess no one was all that hungry and you couldn't blame them.

"I think we should check on him," Lauren suggested. Darry opened the closet and we found Steve, limp and lifeless on the floor. If it wasn't for his chest slowly moving up and down, I would have thought he was dead. His body looked like he would never be able to move it again. Lauren checked his pulse and heartbeat and other stuff like that.

"I think he'll be ok...if he never uses that stuff again, he'll be ok." Soda slowly rolled Steve over so that he was on his back. Steve wiggled in his sleep for a few minuets before his eyes finally opened. I could have jumped for joy when he finally said something.

"Boy am I glad to see you guys. I had the worst dream last night that I did something real bad, I don't know what it was, but it was real bad…and I guess yall didn't want to get mixed up in it, cause I was all alone…that's all I remember, being all alone and wondering what I could have done that was so bad and wondering how no one cared enough to help me out of it."

"That's the craziest thing I ever heard," Soda said.

"Yeah, you'll always have us." I told him.


	15. Steve Meets Kally

It took a while for Steve to grasp everything that happened the night before. We told him everything though, about how we found him and how he was so scared of something. He didn't really seem to remember. Actually he didn't really want to. The LSD made him well…moody. Lauren told us it could last up to twelve hours. Boy Howdy, would that be fun or what! We thought it would be best to take him to a hospital, just to be sure that he was clear. It was better for him to get caught and do his time in the cooler than to get sick from it or something.

"You're not going to use that stuff again, are ya?" Soda asked as we were riding in the car.

"Well, at least I wasn't thinking about my dad." That was it and it was silent the rest of the way there.

When we got there Steve was taken to an examination room. I couldn't stand sitting in the waiting room, so I went to the vending machine, walked around, and went with Two-Bit to try to pick up a broad. I still don't much care for all of that, so I went to visit Kally.

When I got there the room was empty. At first I thought something happened to her, but within five minuets she stomped furiously in the room mumbling under her breath.

"Hey, what happened to you?"

"What happened to me! I was in the hallway, minding my own business, when this guy runs into me, so I politely say excuse me and he gets all mad," she started mumbling under her breath some more, a few insults, I was surprised she knew. I had never really seen her mad before and it was almost funny.

"It's not that big of deal, ok" I said snickering.

"What is so funny?"

"I've never seen you mad like this before, it really is hilarious." She couldn't help, but laugh too.

I was about to tell her all about Steve, when Darry came in the room.

"Hey Pony, We're about to go find out how Steve's doin'. Come with us and then you can come back here ok?"

"Yeah sure." We made our way back to Steve's room.

"Well," Steve began, "The doc says I'm ok…and uh…I decided I won't use it anymore. I yelled at some kid in the hallway and…it was like seein' an image of my dad…seein' me becoming him. That's the last thing I want…and I know it's that damn lsd that makes me so moody like that and anyway…I don't want to be like that."

"You yelled at a kid, was it a little girl?" I asked suddenly.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" I ignored his question.

"And she has brown hair brown eyes?"

"Yeah, she almost reminded me of……"

"Johnny," we said together.

"Yeah," Steve answered, "that's why I felt so rotten about it."

Everyone realized it was Kally and immediately we all went to pay her a visit.

It took about five minuets for Steve to open up to her. Both of them needed a dad and both didn't really have one, at least not one that cared. But maybe, just maybe they could care about each other.


	16. Holiday Memories and a Suprise Party

Author Note: Hey everyone. I don't know what's up. I was going really good on this story, but then I got slow on updates. It's not as good as it was at the beginning either. If anyone has any suggestions pleeeeeeaaaaase let me know. Thanks a bunchies!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

Ponyboy's POV

"WHERE'S MOM….. WHERE'S DAD?" I woke with a start screaming painfully, at the top of my lungs.

"Ponyboy…" Soda sighed sleepily, "What are you talking about?" I slowly laid my head back down on my pillow. My heart was pounding rapidly out of my control. My head felt like a thousand pounds and I couldn't remember anything…except that my parents were gone.

"I don't know…it's just…I had one of those dreams...and I remembered some of it this time. I don't know for sure, but I just know that mom and dad were gone."

"Pony…" Soda said, sitting up, "You know they're gone."

"I know…I just forgot." Soda put his hand on my shoulder.

"It's ok…hey, it's Christmas Eve, be happy, be merry!" I smiled to myself. My parents loved Christmas.

Hey Soda, remember how much Mom and Dad loved Christmas?"

"Yeah, they used to drive us crazy with all the decorations. I mean we were the only house in the whole neighborhood with lights as it was…but dad wouldn't stop there. He put up more than the socs."

I smiled. "Yeah...he was good at puttin' up lights though. I mean, people came from all over town to see them."

"Mom was worse though," He laughed, "remember when we were little and we did holiday crafts?" I laughed.

"Yeah, Mom was the best person to have for the holidays. Her turkey and ham and stuffing were to die for." Soda licked his lips.

"Yeah, but what I remember most…is the music."

"I know. Mom and Dad both had the best voices I have ever heard." I remembered on Christmas Eve the way my parents used to play carols for hours on end. My mom would play piano while her and my dad sang. It is still the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

The door slammed, of course, and in came Two-Bit and Steve, humming jingle bells as loud and as off pitch as possible. The gang always spends Christmas with us. My parents used to make enough for everyone, since they knew their parents wouldn't really celebrate. This would be our first Christmas without them…without Johnny and Dally too, but we were still together. Darry was in the kitchen making…or should I say burning the turkey.

"It's ok Darry…we can say it's well done," Two-Bit snickered.

"Oh ha, ha, well I don't see you with any prize bird up your sleeve."

"Lets just go out somewhere," Steve suggested.

"Little man," Darry began, "it's Christmas Eve, nothing's open."

"You girls," Two-Bit said, cocking an eyebrow, "it's not even lunch time yet, we can worry about the turkey later."

"Later, story of your life, Two-Bit." I said.

"Wow Pony, you sure are getting mouthy." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm thinking about going and seeing Kally," I said, "She told me that her dad and sister are going to spend the day with her, but …I have a weird feelin' something's up. I don't know."

"Well you can go," Darry said, "Check on her and if she's fine come home. Do you want a ride?"

"Na, I think 'I'll walk."

"Suite yourself."

When I reached Kally's room, I knocked on the door.

"Who…who is it?" Her voice sounded funny and I knew something was up.

"It's Ponyboy, can I come in?" There was no answer and I decided just to go in. I looked around and saw a pile of gifts on the floor, beautifully wrapped with shining Christmas and Happy Birthday bows. I looked at Kally, but she wasn't excited. Her face was tear stained and her eyes, for once, weren't smiling.

"The butler dropped those off this morning." She said softly. "And to answer your question, No they never came." I had already known the answer. "I knew they wouldn't, but there was still hope because it's Christmas and because it's my birthday…I just thought…maybe…..it's not the same. I never told you, but my mom died about two years ago. Nothing was the same after that. Dad spends all his time at work and Karen, my so called sister, spends all her time in front of a mirror…" Tears poured from her eyes slowly and silently. I felt more helpless than ever in my life. I walked over to her and slowly put my hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry….I just wish I could do something….I know it's not the same as your mom or dad or sister, but I care about you. You know that right?" She smiled and nodded. "Good."

Just then the door opened and Lauren walked in.

"Hey Ponyboy."

"Hey."

"I have to give Kally a quick check up. Can you wait in the hall for about five minuets?"

"Yeah, sure" I went to the hall and immediately found a pay phone. I dialed home as fast as I could.

"Hello." It was Darry's voice.

"Darry, we have to do something. Kally's Dad and sister didn't show."

"Is she ok?"

"Not really. Look I have an idea."

"I'm listening." Just then Lauren came out of the room.

"Hey Ponyboy," she said looking over some charts," you can come back in now." She said looking up "Oh, sorry I didn't realize you were on the phone."

"It's ok, it's just Darry. We're trying to figure out what we can do for Kally. You know about her dad and sister, right?"

"Yeah," she said sadly.

"Well I was thinking we could surprise her ya know, I just don't know how."

"We could put decorations and stuff in another room and then take her there."

Yeah, that's a great idea."

"PONYBOY," I suddenly hear Darry shout into the phone. "I'm still here ya know!"

"Sorry. Ok here's the plan. You and Two-Bit and Steve and Soda need to get cake, balloons, party decorations and all that good stuff Set up like a surprise party in room…"

"316," Lauren said.

"316," I repeated to Darry. "It's about eleven now, so you'll be ready by twelve thirty, right?"

"Yeah, we can be."

"Ok, Lauren will bring Kally there then at twelve thirty."

"Ok Pony I got it. Twelve thirty, room 316, surprise party."

"Right."

"Ok, I'll see you then." I hung up and went back to see Kally.

Twelve thirty came really fast, too fast actually. I was worried that Darry wouldn't have enough time, but it was Darry and he'd probably make a killer plan and have everything just right. It wasn't long before Lauren came in the room.

"Hey Kally, I need to take you to another room for a while, so this one can be cleaned and everything."

"Ok, you coming Ponyboy?"

"Sure." We slowly made our way there. My heart was pounding as we opened the door. "Please God," I thought, "let Darry be ready."

I had had nothing to worry about. Darry was, well Darry. Everything was perfectly decorated in green, blue, and purple (Kally's favorite colors) and there was a humongous chocolate cake that said "happy Birthday Kally" in curvy letters (Darry had even remembered that after we told Kally about how we eat chocolate cake for breakfast, she had said that chocolate was her favorite too).

I smiled with relief.

Nothing in the whole world could replace the look of happiness on Kally's face when she saw the room.


	17. Christmas with a Guardian Angle

Author Note: I named Two-Bit's sis Krissy, I don't remember if it said her name in the book, but if anyone knows it, please let me know! Also, I'm grounded, so I can't call my friend who usually check my grammar mistakes, so if there's a lot of them, I'm sorry about that. Also sorry I haven't updated in like months!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much! And in this chapter I talk about Dolls. My little sister said that Amazing Amanda and Hide-and-seek-Haily are dolls, so I didn't make them up either, lol!

Ponyboy's POV

Kally had so much fun at the party that Darry convinced Lauren to let her come to our house for Christmas Eve. He also invited Lauren, who would have been spending Christmas Eve alone because her parent's (who were flying in from Denmark) flight was canceled.

Almost as soon as we arrived, the door flew open and in paraded Two-Bit's mom, gleefully waving a bottle of eggnog and his little sister pouting and stomping.

"What's wrong Krissy?" I asked her

"Mom promised me that I would get a Hide-And-Seek-Haily Doll for Christmas. I've wanted one all year and I've waited for one all year and now I didn't get it." Tears began to pour down her cheeks. "And it's not fair. Every girl in my class has on except me and every day they play with them and I'm the only one left out. And they all think I don't want to play, but I do, it's just I don't have a doll and I can't tell them that because they'll think I'm a total looser. AND I DON'T KKNOW WHY I DON'T HAVE ONE ANYWAY!" I glanced up at Two-Bit's happy carefree mom, whose normal expression of cheerfulness had turned into a painful frown. We all knew why Krissy didn't have that doll. Mrs. Mathews barely made enough money to put food on the table, there was no way she could afford one of those expensive dolls for Krissy…but Krissy was just a six year old girl, who didn't understand these things.

The room fell silent and no one knew what to say. Kally walked over to Darry and whispered something in his ear.

"You Sure?" he asked. She nodded

"Uhhh…we'll be right back. We have to get something from the car." Darry lifted Kally onto his back for a piggy back and they waked outside. For the first time I really thought Darry looked like a father.

It was almost weird to think that Krissy actually wanted a doll. I mean she already swore and talked dirty and was on the path of becoming a total greaser girl, but I guess in the end she was only six…it's just she seemed so much older.

A few minuets later they walked back in with a big, pink and blue package. Kally handed it to Krissy.

"For me?" she asked, with a bewildered look on her face.

"Yeah, I don't want anything to ruin your Christmas and I hope you like it."

Krissy eagerly opened the package. A huge grin light up on her face when she pulled two dolls out of the box.

"Hide-And-Seek-Haily and Amazing Amanda, wow! Are they both really mine?"

"If you want them."

"I don't think I could take both. They're yours aren't they?"

"Not anymore, I gave them to you."

"Well what if we share them?" They each picked one out and sat on the couch playing with them.

I went over to Darry. "Where'd you find those?"

"Ponyboy do you ever think? Remember I put all the presents that Kally's family sent her in the car so she could open them for Christmas Eve." I nodded. "Well, she already knew what her parents would buy, 'exactly what was on the list', so she found the one with the dolls and gave it to Krissy." He said, talking to me as if I was four in stead of fourteen.

"Ok, geeze you don't have to make me feel so smart Dare."

"Ah Pony, you know I'm just playing with you," he said as he picked me up for a bear hug. Of course, Soda came over and joined followed by Two-Bit and Steve, who tackled us all and started a big wrestling match.

"Men," I heard Lauren say to Two-Bit's mom.

"Boys" Krissy said to Kally, as she rolled her eyes.

"Chicks," all us guys echoed back. Everyone busted out laughing.

"I hate to break up this little love fest," Two-Bit said gleefully, "But I'm starved. Where's the chow."

Darry gasped. "With everything that happened today I forgot about dinner and I never put the turkey in the oven."

" So, we can make dinner now," Lauren suggested.

"But there's so much to do." Darry protested.

"Come on, I'll help you, it'll be fun."

The two of them went off into the kitchen and it didn't take long for me and Soda to follow. We saw Lauren stirring something and Darry walk behind her.

"Here try this." She said. He did

"Mmmm, it's delicious. You're a great cook."

"Thanks, you're a great sampler." He laughed and so did she.

"It's a nice feeling cooking with you, ya know?" Darry said, almost shyly. Lauren leaned over and kissed him softly.

"I think they love each other", I told Soda

"I think you're pretty darn right."

We went back to the living room and found Kally seated at the piano.

"Do you play?" I asked her.

"A little, but I know a lot of Christmas songs. They were my mom's favorite, so she taught me tons before she...never mind. You want to here some?"

"Of course…"

She began playing everything from Jingle Bells to Silent Night and Everyone Chimed in singing as loudly and happily as ever.

"Hey, why don't yall come eat before the neighbors call the police for all you're racket" Darry called from the kitchen.

Everyone charged into the kitchen.

"I think, that before we eat, we should say a prayer," I announced, "Mom and Dad always made us on Christmas and I think they would want us to."

"Do you want to do the honors Ponyboy?" Darry asked. I suddenly got shy. I know that it was just friends and family, but I don't talk that much around anyone other than Soda...and well now Kally. I swallowed hard. "Sure," I heard myself answer. I started talking and didn't feel as nervous.

"Dear God, we've all been through a lot lately. I guess you already know, so there's no point in saying it all right now, but the point is…no matter what has happened in the past, you always get us to another day, usually a better day and today, by the way, is one heck of a day. I guess what I'm trying to say, is thanks. Thanks for making everything happen for a reason and for not giving up on me, or any of us when we've lost faith...and thought you weren't there, because I know now that you are…and also thanks for my family: Darry and Soda are the best brothers a guy could ask for. Thanks for the gang and Two-Bit's family...and thanks for bringing Lauren and Kally to us…and finally thanks for bringing us all here to enjoy this great meal. One last thing, please tell Johnny, Dally, and my parents that I love them…we love them…. and we miss them. Amen"

"Amen," I heard everyone reply.

I Looked up. I had all but forgotten that they were there. I saw Two-Bit's mom and Lauren with tears in their eyes and the gang with smiles on their faces, everyone was thankful too.

"What's everyone waiting for? Dig in!" I shouted.

And with that, we enjoyed the most delicious meal I've had. This wasn't my first Christmas without my parents and Johnny and Dally; this was my first Christmas with Kally and Lauren. And even if my parents and Johnny and Dally weren't physically here, I could still feel there presence, like that of a guardian angle.


	18. Don't Loose Hope

Author Note: Hey everyone, ok so…I'm going to try and get this finished before school starts, so there may be a lot of chapters at once. Sorry this has been so slow, but I sort of lost writing momentum!

"Yum…" I said out loud. I was eating Christmas leftovers while Darry was working on dinner.

"Try not to spoil your super huh Pony?" He said.

"Don't worry; I'm always hungry, besides, if I don't eat theses leftovers now, they'll go bad."

"Well you've got a point th………." His voice broke off suddenly and I looked up from my food. I saw that he had a pained expression on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's fine."

"You don't look fine."

"My chest feels strange that's all, don't worry about it. Just finish your food, I'm about to do the dishes."

"You're ok right, you don't need a doctor or anything do you?" I asked, ignoring his command to finish eating.

"Don't be so dramatic Ponyboy, it's fine, and are you done yet, I want to get the kitchen cleaned up."

"You're going to clean the kitchen before dinner?" I asked sarcastically. He gave me one of those just shut up and do it looks, so I took my plate to the counter.

I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see if he was really mad. I really hated those looks. I saw that he was rubbing the center of his chest and then rolling his neck from side to side. "Are you really sure you're ok?" I asked this time serious. His expression changed from annoyed to comforting.

"Yes, Little Buddy, I'm fine." He said, giving me a playful punch on the shoulder.

I went to the living room to read a book Kally had given me. So far it was good, but _Gone with the Wind_ was still my favorite.

I read for nearly an hour when Darry walked in the room and sat in his favorite arm chair.

"How's your chest."

"It still hurting, but my pocket is gonna hurt worse after I pay this month's bills."

"Try not to stress about it ok, the bills always get paid and we got that check from Robert remember?"

"Yeah thank God for that, we wouldn't have made payments this month without it."

"But we got it so don't worry about what ifs"

"I guess you're ri…." His voice broke again, but this time when I looked over at him…my heart dropped into my stomach. He was bent over, grabbing his chest and cringing his teeth in a pained expression.

"SODA!" I ran over to Darry as Soda came running in the room. He immediately saw Darry. "Call 911." He told me as he went to Darry to try and calm him. I ran for the phone.

"Hello," a lady said.

"Please help," I nearly shouted, my voice hysterical, "my brother is having really bad chest pains."

"Ok sir, I need your address," I gave it to her as it suddenly hit me what was wrong with Darry. I nearly threw up.

"Is he having a heart attack?" I asked the lady, my voice quivering uncontrollably.

"Possibly, we'll run tests, just hold on, I'm sending an ambulance."

I ran back to the living room, my head spinning and thinking a million things at one time.

"Easy man…" I heard Soda say.

"An ambulance is on the way," I told them softly, not able to control my voice long enough to say anything else. Almost as I spoke we heard the sirens wail. I saw the red and blue flashing lights blur as I realized tears were in my eyes. I brushed them away impatiently and no one saw. Everything seemed so far away. Two Paramedics came in and put Darry in the ambulance. Since I couldn't drive yet and the paramedics only allowed one person in the ambulance, I rode with Darry and Soda followed in the car.

There were a few paramedics working on Darry: giving him oxygen masks to help his breathing and stuff like that. Although nothing could be certain without the proper tests the predicted that he was suffering a heart attack. I felt my blood rise the moment those words came out of their mouths.

"You should have said yes when I asked if you needed a doctor," I told Darry angrily, "then maybe they could of done something before you got so bad off." I was nearly yelling by now through frustration.

"I didn't want to make a big deal over nothing okay? I didn't want to tell you how bad it was cause then you and Soda would get all worked up," he answered through gasps.

I felt awful, I shouldn't be getting mad at him. I guess I was so upset this was happening I just turned angry...and I guess it would be easier to handle this if I was mad. Mad is always better than scared, but it's no solution. My voice softened. "No on expects you to be so brave all the time ya know?" I told him. He couldn't answer, but managed a weak smile.

When we arrived at the hospital Darry was rolled in on a wheel chair and Soda was immediately sent to fill out the paper work. I saw Lauren walking over. Darry was facing me and turned to her so she couldn't see him.

"Hey Ponyboy, what's going on? Are you here to see Kally?" I shook my head and as she walked to Darry's front side she saw for herself. She gasped.

"What's going on?" She asked, gentle tears already forming in her eyes. She was left without an answer.

"Possible heart attack," I answered for Darry, so calm that it shocked me to hear the words so easily spoken come from my mouth. Suddenly the doctor came.

"How long has he been experiencing symptoms," he asked me immediately.

"About an hour and a half." A worried expression crossed his face.

"Continue with the paper work," he told the receptionist, but we can't wait now. I need the proper procedures taken out as soon as possible. Lauren come with me, I need your assistance." She followed, Soda finished the paper work, and then we both took a seat.

"Why does this always happen to us?" I said softly, breaking the silence.

"What?" Soda said, obviously breaking out of a daze.

"Why are we always here? I mean I feel like we live at this freaking hospital." My voice was shaking and I tried to remind my self that greasers never cry in front of strangers...and there were plenty around. I held back tears as I waited for an answer.

"Ponyboy," Soda began, putting his hand on my shoulder, "I know it's hard."

"Hard!" my voice was rising now," I can't take it anymore. First I lost my best friend, and then I watched you suffer here, now Darry…" I cut myself off. I couldn't bring myself to say anymore because I knew I would start bawling.

"Ponyboy…I know it's hard. You're still just a kid and you've already lost so much…but you have to realize that good things come from bad things. Remember what mom used to say?"

" 'When God closes a door, he opens two more.' "

"That's right."

"Ok well what door has opened from Johnny dieing?" I said sarcastically, "And don't say it was for the better because it wasn't."

"Ponyboy…it was for him. He wasn't happy in that house. I know it's hard but you know deep down he's better off."

"Well then I'm selfish because I want him here."

"I know," he said, ruffling my hair, "but if you care about him as much as I think you do…you'll want what's best for him. Let him go Ponyboy…let him be ok and let him be happy."

"D you think he is?"

"Of course…I bet he's stuffing his face with banana slits and playing poker and pinball, all day long. No worries, no one beating on him or yelling at him. He's loved up there."

"He was loved here too."

"He still is and always will be…at least until we're all up there ourselves…In the mean time though, you should let him go. I bet he'll be having a hell of a lot better of a time if he's not worried that his best friend is depressed all the time."

"I'll try, one day...just I don't know if I'm brave enough."

"Me and Darry can help you. That's another door ya know?"

"What are you talking about?

"If we never lost Johnny and Dally, we might never have gotten so close. Just think of how much you and Darry fought before."

"Wow…you're right. I never thought about it this way I guess. It's just it seems like everyone I know is always hurting and there's nothing I can do. I just wish it would happen to me instead, I hate this side of things."

"Don't say that. Me and Darry would fall apart if we let something happen to you."

"Well I let something happen to you!"

"You weren't there; there was nothing you could have done. And besides, I got better, be thankful for that…and if I never would have been in the hospital…then we never would have met Kally and just think how much she's helped us, all of us...and Lauren, we would never have known her either. Darry loves her ya know and without her might not be as happy as he is. That's two doors again. See mom was right."

"Yeah she was...and hey, when did you get so smart anyway," I said jokingly. He flashed me a crazy grin.

"My head's good for more than growing my oh so handsome head of hair…" I was about to laugh when Lauren suddenly walked over. Her face was tear stained and her cheeks and eyes red.

"What's going on," Soda asked

"Yeah, how's Darry?" I asked.

"I don't know," she answered, "I broke down and got sent out of the room." New tears formed and flowed from her light blue eyes. Soda got up and hugged her softly. I did too and she calmed down a little.

"I just don't know what I would do if something happened to him…" She stopped, seeing the look of panic on my face. "Oh Ponyboy, I'm so sorry, I don't want to worry you," she hugged me softly.

"It's ok…I'm just so worried about him."

"Me too," She said.

"Guys," Soda said, "it's ok to be worried and scared. We all love Darry, but we can't loose hope, that's the important thing." Just then, the doctor came into the waiting room.

"Lauren, he said sternly, walking over to her, "what happened back there. You know you can't get upset every time you see a patient in a critical condition." What does he mean 'critical condition'?

"I'm sorry, it's just I know him."

"Really?"

"Yes sir. He's my boyfriend."

"Oh," he said softening, "I'm sorry I didn't know, but I ran the tests and I have the report. He has suffered a heart attack, but it was a minor one. We are not certain if heart surgery is in order, but there is a very small chance. We'll know as soon as the test results are back and until then you guys can go wait with him. Lauren I'll also give you a few minuets as well."

"Thank you sir," she said, but I barely heard her because I had already started running as fast as I could to Darry's room.


	19. Happy New Year!

Author Note: Ok, so last time I forgot to do a disclaimer and say this is from Ponyboy's POV, but those two things go for always!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

**Ponyboy's POV**

I reached Darry's room in a matter of seconds. I stopped suddenly when I reached the doorway and saw him lying on the bed. My legs seemed to have forgotten how to move.

"Hey Little Buddy," he said softly.

I stumbled over to him and fell in his arms. I hugged him so hard I don't know how he breathed, I could hear his heart pounding steadily and I was thankful that it was still beating. He wrapped his arms around me and against my will I bawled like a baby.

"I'm so glad you're ok…I was so worried." I mumbled between sobs.

"So I guess you love me after all then huh?" I lifted my head to face him. Was he seriously asking me? I thought that he knew I did, but I guess I never really told him.

"Of course I do," I said and then hugged him one last time as Soda and Lauren came in.

"Hey," Soda said cheerfully, giving Darry a bear hug and messing up his hair.

Lauren walked over to him. "I'm sorry you get sent out of the room," Darry told her.

"It's ok, I just couldn't stand the thought of something happening to you," she took his hand; "You can't get so stressed out all the time. You have to take it easy. You're at a higher risk for having a serious heart attack now. Just tell me what I can do for you, please. I don't want to know what it feels like to loose you…" a single tear flowed from her eyes and trailed slowly all the way down her cheek. Darry gently brushed it away and stroked her hair.

"You already do everything anyone could every do. I feel happy when I'm with you...like things will be ok. No one has ever made me feel that way and no one else ever will. You're probably the reason my heart attack wasn't worse…the reason I'm still living."

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he answered.

After a few minuets the doctor came back. "Ok, I Darrell, I have your diagnosis, because you've only suffered a minor heart attack, you do not need surgery." I could tell that everyone felt as if a weight was lifted off their shoulder, "You'll be just fine. I'm going to give you a written out specific diet, though giving your physical condition, you probably don't need much of a change. However, your stress level is extremely high…Now, today's Sunday, so I need you to take next week off…"

"I can't."

"You can and you will," the doctor protested, "Your heart is in critical condition."

"I can't and I won't. If I take off again I won't get paid and I don't know if we can pay bills. Plus I could loose my job and the people from the state are coming to check on us and if they find me without a job I could loose Pony and Soda."

"If you're in the hospital they can't fire you. The hospital can make a call."

I felt awkward; Darry afraid to stay in the hospital because he could loose me and soda.

"It doesn't matter. They'll use any excuse to fire an employee." The doctor rubbed his head in distress.

"What can I do then to keep your stress down?"

"Let me go to work," He looked up at me and Soda," If I can keep them, that's all I need."

"All right then. Tomorrow's New Year's Eve. Do you have any time off?"

"Tomorrow and Tuesday."

"Ok, you can return to work on Wednesday if you promise at home you'll take it easy…"

"Absolutely," I answered for him," I mean, me and Soda can take care of everything."

"Yeah," Soda agreed,"me and Pony can take care of everything around the house. We'll make sure he takes it easy." The doctor agreed to let him and gave him instructions for his diet.

It was finally New Year's Eve and we were all excited. The gang, including Kally, was coming to the hospital so we could all be together. Lauren would also be there which was exciting because as far as I know Darry has never had a New Year's kiss.

"Hey guys," Darry said to me and soda, "ya know mom's engagement ring?"

"Yeah." We said," Why," I questioned.

"Would yall mind if I did something with it?"

"Well Mom left it to you," I told him.

"Yeah," agreed Soda, "but you're not going to sell it right?"

"Yeah, it's kinda special," I agreed.

"Of course I'm not going to sell it," Darry said in shock, "I could never sell Mom's ring. You'll see what I'm gonna do, just run home and get it."

Soda and I agreed and got back around seven when everyone was there. It doesn't take long with us to get things going. Two-Bt cranked up music until we were politely told by a nurse to keep it at an appropriate level. There was no smoking in the rooms and going this long without a cigarette was dang near killing me, so while Darry had plenty of company, I went outside to smoke and then brought Kally back to the room. Lauren was there when I got back too and it suddenly dawned on me what Darry could be doing with the ring.

It was not quite ten when Two-Bit brought out the champagne.

"Anxious there, Two-Bit?" Steve asked.

"I'm just preparing for the celebration."

"So it takes you two hours to prepare then?" I asked sarcastically. Two-Bit grinned and cocked an eyebrow. I usually keep my mouth shut good and I'm hardly ever sassy like that.

The next two hours passed quickly. Suddenly two-Bit looked at his watch.

"Guys, we have one minuet till New Years!" he yelled excitedly.

I glanced over and Saw Lauren sitting next to Darry. He pulled out the ring.

"Of course I wanted to do this with flowers and candles and on one knee, but I don't think I can wait." he opened the box, and she gasped with a huge smile, "I know we haven't really know each other that long," he began talking a little faster than usual, "but I'm already sure that you're made for me. I love you and we have the rest of our lives to know each other and I do want to know everything about you, even if it does take for the rest of or lives…because I want to be with you for the rest of mine…"

"It's time to count down two-Bit shouted," oblivious to what was going on.

"10-9-8," everyone began,

"I guess what I'm trying to say…" said Darry

"-7-6-5"

"Is…"

"-4-,"

"will you..."

"-3-,"

"Marry me,"

"-2-,"

"Yes," she answered smiling through tears.

"-1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!" They kissed.


	20. A Place He COuld Call Home

Author Note: Like I said hopefully the last few chapters will come quick. I feel like my writing is getting weaker and although I have the rest of the story pretty much planed out, reviews on things that could be improved would be greatly appreciated. Thanx a bunchies!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

**Ponyboy's POV **

Since New Years, things had been crazy. I started school on Wednesday (the same day Darry went back to work). Soda and I were taking care of everything around the house, which wasn't exactly my idea of fun. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to do everything I could for Darry; it's just, there's a lot more to house work than I thought and I never realized how much he really did. Today was Saturday though, and Lauren was having Darry over for dinner. They were always together now. It was nice to see them so happy. Kally was getting better too. She was allowed to leave the hospital on short trips and since her family never came the doctor was going to let me take her to a movie. Movies don't really interest Soda or Steve, so they were going over to The Dingo to watch the fights and maybe flirt with girls. They would pick Kally and me up after the movie.

I took Kally to the movie house which was where most families went. The Nightly Double was left mostly for the teenagers and it's a pretty rough hang out for a little kid. We stood in line trying to decide what movie to see. I saw that there was a special showing of _Gone with the Wind. _Kally new all about my past experience with _Gone with the Wind_. I had told her everything that happened with Johnny only the second time I saw her.

"We don't have to see it if you don't want to," she said, "but it would be a god opportunity to face your fear. It might be hard, but you might feel better afterwards."

"You're right, we should see it...and with you here, it will be easier." She smiled.

We got popcorn and cokes and sat down. I took a deep breath as it started. I felt like I was at the top of a roller coaster waiting to go down, way down. As the movie went on I realized I wasn't sad. It was strange. I thought back to the fire. The fire that took his life and by doing so took Dally's as well (in so many ways more than death)…

_The roar and crackling was getting louder, and Johnny shouted the next question. _

_"Where's the kids?"_

_"In the back, I guess," I hollered, and we started stumbling through the church. I should be sacred, I thought with and odd detached feeling, but I'm not. The cinders and embers began falling on us, stinging and smarting like ants." _

…Why wasn't I sad, I should be sad, but I had the same "odd detached feeling" as before. The movie ended before I knew it and we went outside to wait for Soda.

"That was a great movie," Kally said, "and you seemed ok."

"Yeah," I agreed, "it was weird. I feel like I should be up set ya know, but I wasn't. I feel almost…guilty."

"Ponyboy, you're not SUPPOSE to feel bad."

"Well I can't be happy he died!"

"I know that, but no one wants you to feel bad every time there's a memory of him. You have to let him go. You'll still miss him, of course, and you'll always have your memories, but you need to let it be ok. There's a fine line between missing someone and holding onto there memories and holding onto them. He needs to know you'll be ok, so he can be happy where he was."

I swallowed the hard lump in my throat.

"I know, but I just…I don't know…"

"You don't know how to stop feeling guilty because you're alive and he's not."

"Yeah…I guess that is what I'm doing: feeling guilty because I've lost so many people and I'm still here. Why me? Why was I left?"

"You haven't fulfilled your purpose yet."

"What?"

"Everyone has a purpose on earth, whether there here for someone else or here for everyone else. Everyone in some way or another affects our movement to making a better world and once a person has fulfilled that purpose…they move on, they go to heaven…to watch over and guide those of us still searching for a purpose."

I looked at her amazed. She already understood the world so well and she was only eight.

"Johnny fulfilled his," she continued, "and so did your parents…and so did Dally. They all showed the world love. Your parents brought three children into this world. I've seen how much you, Darry, and Soda care about each other, what you do for each other. Your parents taught you that. They taught you to love someone and take care of them no matter what happens and one day…you'll teach our children. They taught you family love. Johnny…he taught heroic love. He risked his life in the blink of an eye to save people he didn't even know. Those little kids know there lives are owed to someone else. There parents and their families know it too, and now, those kids will grow up and want to help others, save others. Johnny saved their lives in every way you can save a person…and Dally. Dally died for the only person he loved. He showed its power. Now all you have to do is take its power and show that it can do good…"

I felt a single tear fall, but it wasn't a tear of pain, it was a tear of relief. The fire that day had burned my skin…but the loss from it had burned my soul for so long. Now I felt as if it had stopped. The fire inside had been put out and I could breathe easily for the first time. "Kally," I said, "you must have been sent strait from heaven, "

_"I swear, you three are the bravest kids I've seen in a long time. First you and the black-haired kid climbing in that window, and then the tough-looking one going back in to save him. Mrs. O'Briant and I think you were sent strait from heaven…" _

She blushed slightly. "Johnny was, when he saved those kids remember?" She asked, remembering the same thing I was.

"Yeah," I answered, "and now he went back…He went back _home…"_


	21. The Only Thing He Loved

Author Note: My best friend was reading over this, but is pretty busy right now, so there might be a lot of grammar mistakes, since I really stink at grammar. Sorry!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

**Ponyboy's POV**

I thought of the house Johnny lived in, that terrible house he hated with those terrible parents who hated him. Maybe he had the home he dreamed of now, and maybe he was loved the way he deserved to be. I was still thinking about it when Soda pulled up.

"Where's Steve?" I asked, as Soda drove off.

"I guess at home. He called and said he wasn't feeling well and couldn't come. He told me he couldn't hang tonight, so I stayed home."

'Sorry, that must have been lonely. If I'd known, I would have asked you to come with us."

"That's ok. I was planning to go over and make sure he was alright, but he said it was really contagious and he was fine and I shouldn't bother."

"Really contagious and yet he's fine?" Kally asked.

"I guess so," Soda answered.

"Maybe we should go check on him. We don't have to, but I feel like we should…" she said.

"Actually me too," I agreed. "Just a feeling…"

"Well, we should never doubt your feelings. Do you want me to take you to the hospital first, Kally?"

"That's ok. It's out of your way and besides I'd feel better if I knew he was alright."

"But you're not suppose to be out for more than three hours at a time," I said.

"Yes, and it's only been two," she answered.

Soda agreed to let her go, only if we didn't stay too long. We didn't want to wear her out because she may be put in a critical condition.

We were at Steve's house in a matter of minuets. Soda decided to just walk in, rather than knock, so Steve wouldn't get up if he was resting. It didn't really matter though, we hardly ever knock. We usually just walk in and shout, "Hey".

"Anybody home," Soda called as we walked in. Kally and I followed, both silent and both (I assumer her too) with the same feeling of uncertainty.

'Soda stopped dead in his tracks and considering I wasn't paying that much attention where I was going, I nearly ran into him. I walked to his side and Kally to mine so that we all stood facing Steve.

A panicked expression caught his face as all our eyes trailed to the kitchen table (where he was currently sitting). There were those same squares. The ones that caused him to be haunted before. He was using LSD again, after he told us he wouldn't.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME OVER HERE!" Steve screamed at Soda.

"No you told me you were CONTAGIOUS man," Soda half yelled back, I could hear his voice break and he started to bawl pretty badly. I put my hand on his should and squeezed tight as if I could support him by doing so. "You told me you were sick," he cried trough helpless sobs, "but you're not are you…" his voice rose, "ARE YOU!" Steve didn't answer. Soda drew a quivering breath and this time said quietly so that it was a whisper, a cold unfriendly whisper I've never heard him use, "We've never lied to each other before…never, but that apparently means nothing to you."

"Give it a rest, will ya?" Steve said annoyed, "I didn't lie, I am sick: sick and tired of all this. My blasted old man left today, for good…took all his things. He aint coming back…" now Steve's voice rose, "HE AINT NEVER COMING BACK BECAUSE HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT...SO WHY SHOULD YOU!"

"I'm your best friend. You don't know that?"

"I do and that's why I didn't want you to see me like this. If you saw me doing this, it would put you in a bad mood, a _contagious_ bad mood…now if you don't mind, I'd like you to leave. You came before I could take any…" I was about ready to pound Steve's head in. Soda never deserved to be yelled at, but Steve Screamed at him. Soda never deserved to bawl, but Steve made him anyway. Soda was my OLDER brother, but I was still protective of him. I was about to say something lousy to Steve, but Kally spoke first.

"I can't believe you," she said angrily, and if I hadn't seen her face I wouldn't have known she was crying, "You promised me you promised me,"

Steve's eyes were at first wide, almost from guilt. I knew Steve cared about Kally. He spent most of his time at the hospital, whether the rest of us were there or not. However, his expression faded quickly and he grew angry.

"Promises get broken every day in the real world, it's time to grow up," he said with an expression that clearly showed he didn't care what she thought. I was about to punch his head in now, but I was stopped suddenly because of the look on Kally's face. A wince like I had never seen before. Her tears which were soft and gentle grew violent and hysterical, and before I knew it she was sobbing worse than anything I had ever seen. My heart seemed to break and fall into the pit of my stomach, and I was nearly sick. I always hated Soda to feel bad, but I was always helpless when Johnny felt bad…and this was a little Johnny, scared, and defeated, and helpless.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE TELLING ME TO GROW UP!" She screamed through sobs. I had never seen her this hysterical and I didn't know she could be, "I WATCHED MY MOM DIE ON THE SIDE OF A ROAD BECAUSE A DRIVER WAS DOPED UP ON THAT TERRIBLE STUFF!" she was sobbing so hard she could barely breathe and I knew it took all her strength to speak, "YOU KNEW ABOUT THAT…YOU KNEW ABOUT EVERYTHING…I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING..AND YOU PROMISED YOU NEVER WOULD, YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T USE IT," I was crying now my self from the sight of her. She was so little and so hurt.

"Kally," I said as gently as possible,"please, you need to calm down. It's not good for you to get this upset. Come on, Soda can take you back to the hospital and I'll handle things here," I put my hand on her shoulder, but she quickly pushed it away. I looked up helplessly at Soda, unable to stand back up and still kneeling on the floor. Kally walked toward Steve.

"I mean nothing to you don't I?" She said in the hardest tone I'd ever heard. He failed to answer again and her voice grew and shook with anger, "I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU," she shouted. I stumbled to her side.

"Please calm down," I begged, "I don't want you to get sick." There was an eerie silence and she fell suddenly. I caught her in my arms, just as Darry and Lauren walked in.

"What's going in here? For Pete sake we were driving home and could here screaming from..." He stopped when he saw Kally.

"Call an ambulance," Lauren said in a concerned tone that turned my blood icy.

Darry ran for the phone and dialed the now very familiar number. Steve, wide eyed, fell to the floor and knelt down beside me and Kally. I was still holding her as he stroked her hair.

"Oh God," he said, half to himself, "What did I do? What did I do to my Little Kally?" His voice broke and tears poured from his eyes like an untamed river. I had never seen Steve cry…NEVER (at least when he wasn't doped up). I thought he'd forgotten how at an early age, but I guess he remembered now. He may have cried the night we lost Johnny and Dally, but I wouldn't know, that memory is still unclear. Not like this one, this one is clear in my mind and will be forever. Each tear that flowed from his eyes showed me one thing….

_Johnny was the only thing Dally loved…._

…….Kally was the only thing Steve loved.


	22. A Single Tear

Author Note: Sorry it took a while to get this chapter up. I was trying to finish this by school, but I didn't quit make it, so updates might be a little slow, but I will try to have a new chapter up weekly or every two weeks! By the way, still sorry if there are a lot of grammar mistakes. I am also foreboding for anyone who wants to be prepared that this chapter is pretty sad. I was crying while I wrote the end, but hang in there it has a good ending, I promise!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

**Ponyboy's POV **

We arrived at the hospital in silence. No one could bear to say anything. The tension was high with anger, frustration, fear, and sadness. Talking would only mean trying to hold back what we were all thinking: how could we have let this happen? The silence lasted for over half an hour and I was about ready to scream. I hate awkward silences, but this was just depressing. I was about to say something, probably stupid, when the doctor came in.

'"You boys should probably go on home tonight," the doctor began, "hospital policy won't let me allow anyone, but family in the room for at least twenty-four hours."

"They are her family," Lauren told him, softly.

"I guess you're right, but you can only stay for a few minuets. She's awake, but extremely weak,"

We agreed and went in. I was so sick of this place and this routine. I always wished I could be the one on the bed, not because I take for granted my health or anything, but just because this side is always so hard.

Kally stirred lightly when we came in. She opened her eyes gently, but closed them after only a few seconds. Kally had always been strong, she was brave and ready for anything and it seemed so strange to see her so weak.

Steve knelt down beside her bed. Everyone knew he loved her, it was no secret. She had saved him in every possible way. Tears rolled down his eyes, but he spoke through them.

"Kally..." he began, with his hand on her shoulder, "Kally I'm so sorry. The promise I made you meant everything to me…you mean everything to me. Oh God, if I would have known this would happen, I swear I never would have touched that stuff. I would never do anything to hurt you and I would do anything now to take back what did and make you ok…please be ok…"

She answered, softly, without even opening her eyes. "It's not your fault…the doctor said this would have happened anyway…and I will gladly die knowing that someone cares…" Her voice trailed off as she fell into unconsciousness. I looked at the machine monitoring her heart; it beeped softly as the lines moved slowly up and down. It was the only indication that she was still alive.

_"Oh, damnit, Johnny, don't die, please don't die…"_

"Don't say that Kally..." he said to her sleeping body, "you can't die…please don't die…" Steve hugged her softly, until the doctor came in and told us we had to leave.

Steve went over to Two-Bit's to relax or try to until the morning when we could go see Kally. Darry said me and Soda had to go home to get some rest even though he knew quite well we wouldn't be getting much.

We went strait to bed and I shivered as I pulled Soda's arm tighter around me.

_I had it then. Soda fought for fun, Steve for hatred, Darry for pride, and Two-Bit for conformity. Why do I fight? I thought, and couldn't think of any real good reason. There isn't any real good reason for fighting except self- defense._

I laid in bed trying to figure out what it was about Kally that made her so special to us. For Soda, it was the push she gave him. He was getting interested in reading and was talking about maybe going back to school. I guess Kally was the only one he could get him to try because she was the only one he wasn't afraid to look "dumb" in front of. Steve's was obvious. She was the only one who could get through to him. For Darry it was her laid-back nature. He didn't worry so much around Kally and she showed him that it was ok to have a good time. Two-Bit cared about her because she made him confident in who he was. Funny was ok even when you're sober, she showed his strength and separated him from the crowd, in a good way, I mean. Through the course of a couple of weeks we had all fallen in love with her, but what was it that made her special to me? I guess…it was everything. She was easy to talk to and I felt like she really understood me, the way Johnny did. She also helped me feel ok about Johnny's death…she made everything ok. The way she helped everyone else, helped me……..My mind blanked for a second and then I knew, I could feel something inside of me leave, like I had just lost a part of myself…I had to see her. I knew Darry wouldn't go for it, so I left a quick note on the kitchen table and after getting dressed, snuck out. Darry had taken me driving a few times in a parking lot and considering there were no cars on the road at three thirty in the morning, I took the car. I was really that desperate. I reached her room and saw Lauren come out with tears in her eyes.

"Ponyboy…I'm so sorry…but she's dieing…there's nothing we can do..." her voice broke off. I looked at her feeling detached and stupid and standing there like an idiot.

"There has to be something," I said already feeling tears swell in my eyes, she shook her head.

"She wanted to talk to you, tell you something...you can be with her… She needs someone by her side…but Ponyboy, you're going to have to let her go…" My mind was blank, I couldn't think strait at all. I tried to speak my own thoughts to myself, but I couldn't get them unscrambled. I went in anyway….

"Kally..." I said softly, I walked over to her. She was amazing as ever, glowing with every inch of beauty and strength and passion inside her, even now, even here…she was an angle.

"Ponyboy?" She said unable to open her eyes. Her voice was weak and I could tell she was straining with everything left.

"Shhhh…It's ok, save your strength," I sat by her bed and took her hand. It was so small compared to mine and I saw that she truly was just a child. "Kally...there's so many things I want to say to you…I don't even know where to start…Kally you saved me, you saved all of us, because of you I'm not afraid to let him go, because of you I know that there is still good in this world, because of you…I know the beauty of staying gold,"

"You will stay gold, won't you Ponyboy…"

_"Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold…"_

"Yeah, I will, for you and for Johnny…"

"Can you do…one…more thing for me?" she said between gasps.

"Of course,"

"Publish your essay. Tell the world what it needs to know, the world needs people like you…"

"No, Kally," my voice was quivering, "I'm scared...I'm scared of everything. It needs _you_. I need _you,_ everyone needs _you_," I spoke trying to give her reason to stay, but even then I knew she was slipping away…

"No...You're brave, you just don't want to admit it, but I know, just trust yourself. Believe. Feel me and Johnny always wherever you go. I am always with you as long as you stay gold……"

The beeping machine suddenly stopped…..

There was a silence, more silent then I've ever hear. It was a moment of peace and the whole world seemed to take a deep breath in that moment. I squeezed her hand as a single tear rolled off my cheek and onto hers as one tear, crying for the entire world's sickness and the entire world's loss of hope, one tear uniting us forever in a golden memory and one tear that she felt shimmer on her cheek as she died.

_The pillow seemed to sink a little, and Johnny died. _


	23. Deep Down the Same

Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated in soooo long. Lots of homework this year and I'm totally busy. Anyway, hope you enjoy, it's mostly just a transition chapter though.

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton. Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!

Ponyboy's POV

I could feel myself begin to come into consciousness. My neck was stiff and sore and I could barely lift my head. I wondered sleepily if Darry was making breakfast…but then memory drowned me in its unforgiving wave and I remembered where I was and why I was there. I tried to drift back into sleep, into an unconscious state, so that I could stop my mind.

I nearly decided that I would lay with my head on the side of the hospital bed, without looking up and without remembering until the end of time. Of course my shimmer of hope quickly faded as details from the night before replayed themselves over and over in my mind. Kally had died and I had broken down a few minuets after and obviously cried myself to sleep. My head was aching from remembering and I felt lousier than ever.

I finally lifted my head as I heard gentle footsteps from behind. I turned to face Lauren. I felt stupid; did she know Kally was dead? Of course she knew. I realized that Kally's body was gone and I wondered painfully where they had taken her. I was saved from speaking because Lauren spoke first.

"Ponyboy, are you ok?"

"I think so...well at least as ok as I can be." I suddenly remembered that Darry didn't know where I was and was probably worried sick by now. "I need to call Darry." I mumbled half to myself, as I got up and headed for the door. I was dizzy with sleep and that terrible headache and I nearly fell over.

"Take it easy," Lauren said, as she helped me sit on a chair next to the bed. "I've already called him. You had a pretty rough night last night after…everything…do you remember?" I shook my head. "I came in and saw that Kally…you know…" I nodded, trying to act casual, but knowing I was failing miserably, "Anyway, you had fallen asleep and was having a nightmare. I tried to wake you up, but you just kept screaming, and then suddenly you stopped and fell into a deep sleep. I called Darry and he said he'd come right over, but I told him you could just stay here and I'd drive you home in the morning." I stared blankly. My head was really hurting now and I felt like I was going to be sick. "Are you ok", Lauren asked.

"My head feels like it's going to explode," I answered, so calm that I was surprised at myself. "I'll bring you some aspirin." She left and I stared at the empty bed. The same place I met her was the same place I lost her.

After a few quiet moments, Lauren came back. "Where is she?" I asked as I swallowed the aspirin.

"I'm pretty sure she made it to heaven," Lauren answered with a smile through tears. I smiled back and didn't mention the fact that I meant her body. I guess that didn't matter anyway, that was never what made her so special.

I started outside through the window. The day was beautiful. White clouds of cotton candy in the sky and a golden sun that lit up every blade of grass so that the rich green seemed to shimmer. No one outside knew she had been lost. No one outside knew of the loss that I now faced.

I suddenly saw Steve's car parked outside. "Is Steve here?" I asked.

Lauren looked at me strangely. "He came right after I called Darry, but he left hours ago. He got here around the time they took her body and he was pretty torn up."

"He's outside," I told her, and when she gave me another strange look, I realized that he was probably up to something and probably up to something that wasn't good. "I'll be right back," I said as I walked out the door.

"Are you ok? Do you want me to come with you," Lauren asked. I waved my hand and walked a little faster, anxious to get to Steve.

I reached his car. I could see from the window that tears stained his face and he was fumbling with something. It was a heater. Oh God, I thought to myself, what is he doing? I tapped on the window and he looked up.

"What do ya want, Kid?" He asked cockily.

I was ready to cuss him out. "What do you think I want? Let me in."

He unlocked the door and slid over to the passenger side, so I could come in. I sat down and closed the door. I started at the gun which was still resting in his hands. "Don't say anything," Steve said coldly, as if I really knew what to say, "and don't go getting any ideas. I wasn't planning to do nothin' with it. I ain't Dally and I ain't you. I think before I do something stupid like knocking off a gas station or running into a damn ass burning building and causing God only knows how much trouble." I could feel anger and frustration rising inside of me. Did he honestly think that I didn't know that if I would have thought things through Johnny would still be alive?

"Is that what you've been wanting to say to me this whole time!" I was shouting and scaring myself because I never thought I would work up the nerve to yell at Steve Randall. "That everything that happened was my fault! Hell, that ship is sailed because I've known that since the moment I saw Johnny be taken into the hospital!" Tears were coming uncontrollably now and the frustration I already felt was made worse from trying to force them back. I felt stupid and embarrassed and I bawled like a baby in spite of myself.

I suddenly felt a warm hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Steve watching me, horrified.

"Ponyboy," he began, "I didn't mean anything like that. It's not your fault. You…you were just thinking of helping other people when you ran in that church, the way you always do. That's good…" I looked at him with an open jaw. Who in the world was this! "I didn't mean to yell at you or nothing either…It's just. I'm really…devastated." His voice broke, but he continued through sobs. "I really loved Kally. She made me see things in a way that I thought I forgot a long time ago. She made me feel like it was ok to show emotion and that someone cared, Ya know?"

"Steve, I know you loved her, and she loved you, but, you're still cared about. The gang will always care about you and we'd be DEVASTATED if you did anything with that gun, ok?" There was a pause and the next thing I knew Steve had me in a bear hug.

We broke away and I looked at him and for the first time and saw who he really was: someone not that different from myself...and then I remembered that we're all, deep down, the same.

"Thanks Pony," he said.

"Hey, I'm all ways here for ya."

"Same here, except of course when your being your annoying, little tag along, kid self." Oh yeah, Steve was back. "So," he said after a silent moment, "do you need a ride? I'm probably goin' to your place anyway."

"No, I need to tell Lauren everything is ok. Can you tell Darry that I'll be home in a little while? I also want to go see her room one more time."

"Ok," Steve said.

I walked back inside and found Lauren outside Kally's room.

"Hey, everything ok?" She asked.

"It's fine. Steve's ok."

"Glad to hear it," I looked at her and saw tears in her eyes, despite here cheerful attitude.

"How can you be so brave about this?" I asked.

She smiled, "I don't know, I see death everyday...and it never gets easier. I probably cared about Kally more than any other patient, even though I'm not suppose to get emotionally involved," she shrugged, "I'm upset that she's gone and even though I miss her, I can't help but feel like she's where she belongs. Someone as wonderful as her belongs in heaven, not in a hospital, and so I'm happy for her."

"I wish I could do that, but I guess I'm selfish. " Lauren smiled.

"It takes time." She hugged me softly. "Do you want me to take you home?"

"In a while, if that's ok…I need to say goodbye."

"That's fine. Oh…by the way, Kally left this book for you…"


	24. Karen Kally's Sister

Author Note: Sorry I'm sooooo terrible at updates, I just keep putting it off, but I think I only have one or two chapters left before the epilogue so hopefully I can finish over the winter holidays!!!

I took the book in my hands. It was a paper back copy of _Gone with the Wind. _I stared at it for a few seconds when a piece of paper fell from inside and drifted slowly to the floor. I picked it up and read…

_Ponyboy, I asked Lauren to give this to you. Soda and I have been reading it and I wanted to make sure he could finish it. Lauren and the doctor just took a diagnoses, but I already know it's my time. Please know that. I'm a little scared but hopefully I can see you one last time… _

I thought back to last night when I went back to the hospital. She must have written this right before I got there. I was glad I got to see her one last time. Maybe that's why I woke up with that feeling. I knew at the same moment she did that it was her time to go time, and that thought was beginning to bring me comfort.

…_I am ready though, to go to heaven, I mean. To free myself from this hospital is what I've longed for a long time now. Just know that I'm really going to miss you guys. You all gave me a family to hold onto and in the end it was all I ever needed. I've been thinking about it and every insecurity kindles what makes each of you so special: Soda thinks he's dumb, but he's not. He understands the world and everyone in it. He can talk to people and accept them. Please try to convince him to go back to school he's so much smarter than he thinks. Darry is always burdened by stress and though he could stand to lighten up, he's the rock that keeps everyone steady. He manages everything and takes care of everyone. Thank him for me and for yourself. Two-Bit think he's just scatterbrained, but the way he keeps everyone laughing is golden. Make sure he knows. Don't be afraid to tell Steve, Two-Bit and Darry about things like the poem by Robert Frost, they might understand more than you give them credit for. They're gold deep down, they way you are. The way you write. You really should publish your essay. You never know, it could change the world. Or at least help someone, make them know they're not alone, Please tell Steve that. Show him the poem and ask him to look at a sunset, maybe he'll know before it's too late. There's still hope and there always will be as long as there are angles and as long as there is faith. Never loose yours Ponyboy and I promise that me and your parents and Johnny and Dally will always stay with you and keep you safe. Your forever friend, Kally. _

I finished the note and was suddenly filled with an emotion that was beyond words loneliness yet togetherness, loss yet gain, sadness yet joy, burdened yet free. Tears welled up in my eyes I was about to look up from the letter and face the world with a new understanding and this new emotion when I suddenly felt a strong sting across my face. I looked up to face a girl about my age standing with her hands on her hips. My face was tingling with a burning sensation and it took me a few second of staring dumbfounded to realize that she had slapped me. I continued staring with an open jaw trying to gather my thoughts but being completely distracted by her. There was something that was again beyond words: a very different feeling that she brought. She was extremely pretty with shining green eyes and soft blonde hair. I remembered that she had slapped me and was about to ask what for when, but was interrupted by her words.

"How dare you!" She shrieked and I could have bust out laughing from the mere randomness of the situation. I mean she was obviously insane because I had never seen her and though she was beautiful she apparently wasn't that bright because I don't think I could name one other person in the universe who goes around slapping and accusing people they've never seen.

"What are you talking about?" I found myself asking.

"How dare you!" She shrieked this time even louder and even higher pitched. "Kally was my sister…MINE, not yours and for some reason beyond my realm of understanding she writes YOU a good bye letter and she wanted to see YOU before she died, yes I read it, in stead of me, her sister!!!"

I looked at her with more disgust and yet more excitement than I had ever done with anyone before. "Do you really expect her to care about you? You didn't even give her the time of day. She lied in this hospital day in and day out for God knows how long and how many times did you come and visit her?!"

Her high pitched shriek turned into a full and strong tone that was somewhere between yelling and speaking. "That's not fair. You don't know everything."

"I know you didn't give a hang about her and that she died knowing that." Of course I was bawling and I hated myself for it, but her face softened when she saw me and then hardened again. She slammed her hand across my face again, in the same spot as last time where it was still stinging.

"What in the world do you keep slapping me for now?"

"You're crying."

"So you want to make me cry harder is that it?" 

"No," she said snootily, "I just think you should stop that's all."

"I can't help it," I said feeling embarrassed and stupid.

"Exactly, I mean…never mind it's stupid..." Her voice trailed off, but her tone was softening again. There was sadness in her eyes and something about her seemed to call out for help. I put a hand on her shoulder.

"Gross, don't touch me!" She said her mood going back to loud and shrieky…then she looked up and saw the horror in my face and gently took my hand and put it back on her shoulder.

"I can't remember the last time I cried." She said. I sat down on the bed next to her. "I wish I could remember now. I wish I could cry for Kally."

"So why don't you."

"I told you I forgot," she said, snootily again. Man was she moody.

"You didn't forget. You just have been hiding from you emotions. You think you can't cry because you're really afraid too. You're probably afraid that once you start crying, ever emotion you've been hiding from will catch up and you won't be able to stop."

"Are you some kind of psychiatrist or something, because I'm not one of those mental people ok?" That's what she thought.

"No," I answered, "I was actually just trying to help, but…just forget it." I got up to leave. "

"Wait," she called, and I sat back down. "I do…did love Kally you know. It's just you're right…I was afraid," she swallowed. "My mom died when I was thirteen. I was so close with her…actually we all were: me, my mom and Kally. We would go shopping and get our nails done, ya know typical girl stuff. Then one day I left my bag over at a friend's house when I slept over and...I had a date to get ready for. My first date, so my Mom said she would go get it for me. And…on her way she got into a car wreck with a driver doped up on LSD. You'd never think leaving a bag could change your life and take away someone you loved so much. I just couldn't take it again. When I found out Kally had cancer, I pushed away. I figured it was better to pretend she meant nothing to me than to loose someone again. Now I just wish I could see her one more time and tell her that I love her…" Her voice broke and every inch of her was struggling to fight back tears.

"You really want to cry right now, don't you?" She nodded, "So why don't you?"

"I am afraid. Afraid that every emotion will catch up with me and I won't be able to stop and every memory will flood over me in a wave I can't get out of…What if I drowned in it?"

"Then I'll pull you out."

She buried her head in my shoulder and I let her sob. I held her tighter and tighter and tried to hold her so firm that she knew I was there and would be there as long as she needed… and as I held her, she cried, and cried, and cried.


	25. Carried On Wings of Gold

Author Note: In case I forgot to mention earlier, Kally's sister's name is Karen. I never quite worked that in to the story, but yeah that's what it is!!! So anyways…this is the final chapter, but there's going to be an epilogue (so don't be thrown by the "the end' at the bottom, lol). I hope you all enjoy!

Disclaimer: The story is my own, but the characters all belong to S.E. Hinton (Unless of course they're the ones one I made up, lol). Also, parts of the book are quoted, so that completely belongs to S.E. Hinton. Those parts are in italics. I always forget to do a disclaimer for the chapters, so if I do, that goes for always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And one final thing. I don't really know how I came up with the title. It just sort of popped into my head (don't worry, I'll work it in with the story), so if I heard that somewhere or something, like it sounds like a song, and accidentally stole it, plz don't sue me, thank you very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Ponyboy's POV (Kally's funeral)**

"Tears can come in many forms: They can be light and beautiful, the kind that slowly fall from eyes to cheek and down further, they can come in violent sobs that express an infinite suffering, or they can come with rain which in itself carries many meanings. But the rain of pain doesn't fall today, for today I am remembering Kally. She was beautiful. She was an angle. Her heart and spirit is something to which this world can not be confined. We would not be right to hold her here, for she was too precious for this earth which is becoming so dirty and so sick. Kally was meant to be in heaven. Where life is golden and she is free to protect. She will be a guardian angle to us all, for from heaven she can create even more miracles than she did on earth. But that is not to say that we should forget the miracles of her life: her giving heart, her kind words, and her radiant smile, but that we should remember them and know that now that she is in a better place they can only grow and reach millions more...perhaps even the world. So remember Kally and learn from her, for always she is in the wind and the rain: the rain that cleanses and brings new life down upon us all. We love you Kally and you will be missed deeply, but never forgotten…"

I took a deep breath and looked up. Everyone in the church held eyes that were full of tears, but everyone also held a light smile, for though we were saying goodbye to Kally, we knew that we could never truly loose her. We walked outside and watched her coffin get lowered into the ground. I felt a light rain fall from the sky and it met with my tears as I placed a bouquet of golden yellow roses on her coffin. The sun still shone and a rainbow was forming. It was beautiful and glowed with a promise: the promise of chance. I have the chance to make a difference and I will take it.

Karen walked behind me and placed her own flowers on Kally's coffin. I take her hand and together we walked over to Darry, Lauren, Soda, Steve, and Two-Bit.

"That was a beautiful speech Ponyboy," Darry said, "I actually almost cried."

"Almost, I saw you man, don't lie." He ruffled my hair playfully.

"Let's go home," he said.

We all headed to the car, but I took one last look at Kally's grave…

_"I Sat down and picked up my pen and thought for a minuet. Remembering. Remembering a handsome, dark boy with a reckless grin and a hot temper. A tough, towheaded boy with a cigarette in his mouth and a bitter grin on his hard face. Remembering-and this time it didn't hurt-a quiet, defeated-looking sixteen year old whose hair needed cutting badly and who had black eyes with a frightened expression to them. One week had taken all thereof them. And I decided I could tell people…" _

….remembering-and this time with a smile- a beautiful, kind hearted little girl with dark eyes and all the courage imaginable: a person who could light up the room just by walking inside and who had saved so many lives. She had something to tell the world, but, like Johnny, was never given the chance, so I decided that I could tell people…

We all piled in the car and headed home, ready to face the day and ready to face the world. I looked out of the car window and up toward the sky. I saw a ray of golden light fall downward and touch her grave in a gentle and claming light. I knew that an angle had come and had carried her to heaven on wings of gold.

The End


	26. Epilogue: Happy Endings

Author Note: waterpolo12, thanx for catching all my mistakes. I can be kinda ditzy sometimes!!! I can't believe I wrote angle instead of angel…maybe I studied too much for my Geometry final, lol and I have no clue how Soda was dancing around, I didn't even think about that...I guess he heals fast!!!! Ok, so I would like to take a quick second to dedicate this story to anyone who has suffered from cancer or had a loved one suffer from the disease. In particular, I would like to dedicate it to my uncle who has passed away from it. I hope everyone liked the story. I wanted to do an epilogue because I was afraid the story wouldn't tie up all the loose ends, but I felt that that was a perfect place to finish it. So here's what happened

Two-Bit is working on his drinking, it's Two-Bit, so of course he still drinks, but he doesn't rely on alcohol to have a good time and be the crazy Two-Bit we know and love!!

Soda starts working part time with Steve, so that…HE CAN GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!!! He decides he is smart and of course when he does need help he has Ponyboy and Darry

Steve hasn't used LSD since Kally's death. He is more open to people and doesn't get as annoyed with Ponyboy.

Darry has proposed to Lauren and they are engaged. Darry, Soda, and Ponyboy now live in Lauren's apartment. With Lauren's financial help, Darry is able to go back to school and also pursue a career in medicine. They are also expecting a baby!!!

Ponyboy finally figured out that strange feeling he had for Karen…he's in love (sigh)!!!! They are dating and their three month anniversary is coming up!!! Ponyboy also sent his essay (aka: "The Outsiders") to a publisher and recently got a letter saying that they would like to publish it!!! He is now working on his sequel "On Wings of Gold"!!!!!! LOL!!!!

Don't you looooove happy endings!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
